the-1000000-bank-note

The￡1,000,000BankNoteMarkTwainWhenIwastwenty-sevenyearsold,Iwasamining-broker'sclerkinSanFrancisco,andanexpertinallthedetailsofstocktraffic.Iwasaloneintheworld,andhadnothingtodependuponbutmywitsandacleanreputation;buttheseweresettingmyfeetintheroadtoeventualfortune,andIwascontentwiththeprospect.Mytimewasmyownaftertheafternoonboard,Saturdays,andIwasaccustomedtoputitinonalittlesail-boatonthebay.OnedayIventuredtoofar,andwascarriedouttosea.Justatnightfall,whenhopewasaboutgone,IwaspickedupbyasmallbrigwhichwasboundforLondon.Itwasalongandstormyvoyage,andtheymademeworkmypassagewithoutpay,asacommonsailor.WhenIsteppedashoreinLondonmyclotheswereraggedandshabby,andIhadonlyadollarinmypocket.Thismoneyfedandshelteredmetwenty-fourhours.Duringthenexttwenty-fourIwentwithoutfoodandshelter.Aboutteno'clockonthefollowingmorning,seedyandhungry,IwasdraggingmyselfalongPortlandPlace,whenachildthatwaspassing,towedbyanurse-maid,tossedalusciousbigpear-minusonebite-intothegutter.Istopped,ofcourse,andfastenedmydesiringeyeonthatmuddytreasure.Mymouthwateredforit,mystomachcravedit,mywholebeingbeggedforit.ButeverytimeImadeamovetogetitsomepassingeyedetectedmypurpose,andofcourseIstraightenedupthen,andlookedindifferent,andpretendedthatIhadn'tbeenthinkingaboutthepearatall.Thissamethingkepthappeningandhappening,andIcouldn'tgetthepear.Iwasjustgettingdesperateenoughtobravealltheshame,andtoseizeit,whenawindowbehindmewasraised,andagentlemanspokeoutofit,saying:Stepinhere,please.Iwasadmittedbyagorgeousflunkey,andshownintoasumptuousroomwhereacoupleofelderlygentlemenweresitting.Theysentawaytheservant,andmademesitdown.Theyhadjustfinishedtheirbreakfast,andthesightoftheremainsofitalmostoverpoweredme.Icouldhardlykeepmywitstogetherinthepresenceofthatfood,butasIwasnotaskedtosampleit,IhadtobearmytroubleasbestIcould.Now,somethinghadbeenhappeningtherealittlebefore,whichIdidnotknowanythingaboutuntilagoodmanydaysafterwards,butIwilltellyouaboutitnow.Thosetwooldbrothershadbeenhavingaprettyhotargumentacoupleofdaysbefore,andhadendedbyagreeingtodecideitbyabet,whichistheEnglishwayofsettlingeverything.YouwillrememberthattheBankofEnglandonceissuedtwonotesofamillionpoundseach,tobeusedforaspecialpurposeconnectedwithsomepublictransactionwithaforeigncountry.Forsomereasonorotheronlyoneofthesehadbeenusedandcanceled;theotherstilllayinthevaultsoftheBank.Well,thebrothers,chattingalong,happenedtogettowonderingwhatmightbethefateofaperfectlyhonestandintelligentstrangerwhoshouldbeturnedadriftinLondonwithoutafriend,andwithnomoneybutthatmillion-poundbank-note,andnowaytoaccountforhisbeinginpossessionofit.BrotherAsaidhewouldstarvetodeath;BrotherBsaidhewouldn't.BrotherAsaidhecouldn'tofferitatabankoranywhereelse,becausehewouldbearrestedonthespot.SotheywentondisputingtillBrotherBsaidhewouldbettwentythousandpoundsthatthemanwouldlivethirtydays,anyway,onthatmillion,andkeepoutofjail,too.BrotherAtookhimup.BrotherBwentdowntotheBankandboughtthatnote.JustlikeanEnglishman,yousee;plucktothebackbone.Thenhedictatedaletter,whichoneofhisclerkswroteoutinabeautifulroundhand,andthenthetwobrotherssatatthewindowawholedaywatchingfortherightmantogiveitto.Theysawmanyhonestfacesgobythatwerenotintelligentenough;manythatwereintelligent,butnothonestenough;manythatwereboth,butthepossessorswerenotpoorenough,or,ifpoorenough,werenotstrangers.Therewasalwaysadefect,untilIcamealong;buttheyagreedthatIfilledthebillallaround;sotheyelectedmeunanimously,andthereIwasnowwaitingtoknowwhyIwascalledin.Theybegantoaskmequestionsaboutmyself,andprettysoontheyhadmystory.FinallytheytoldmeIwouldanswertheirpurpose.IsaidIwassincerelyglad,andaskedwhatitwas.Thenoneofthemhandedmeanenvelope,andsaidIwouldfindtheexplanationinside.Iwasgoingtoopenit,buthesaidno;takeittomylodgings,andlookitovercarefully,andnotbehastyorrash.Iwaspuzzled,andwantedtodiscussthematteralittlefurther,buttheydidn't;soItookmyleave,feelinghurtandinsultedtobemadethebuttofwhatwasapparentlysomekindofapracticaljoke,andyetobligedtoputupwithit,notbeingincircumstancestoresentaffrontsfromrichandstrongfolk.Iwouldhavepickedupthepearnowandeatenitbeforealltheworld,butitwasgone;soIhadlostthatbythisunluckybusiness,andthethoughtofitdidnotsoftenmyfeelingtowardsthosemen.AssoonasIwasoutofsightofthathouseIopenedmyenvelope,andsawthatitcontainedmoney!Myopinionofthosepeoplechanged,Icantellyou!Ilostnotamoment,butshovednoteandmoneyintomyvestpocket,andbrokeforthenearestcheapeatinghouse.Well,howIdideat!WhenatlastIcouldn'tholdanymore,Itookoutmymoneyandunfoldedit,tookoneglimpseandnearlyfainted.Fivemillionsofdollars!Why,itmademyheadswim.ImusthavesattherestunnedandblinkingatthenoteasmuchasaminutebeforeIcamerightlytomyselfagain.ThefirstthingInoticed,then,wasthelandlord.Hiseyewasonthenote,andhewaspetrified.Hewasworshiping,withallhisbodyandsoul,buthelookedasifhecouldn'tstirhandorfoot.Itookmycueinamoment,anddidtheonlyrationalthingtherewastodo.Ireachedthenotetowardshim,andsaid,carelessly:Givemethechange,please.Thenhewasrestoredtohisnormalcondition,andmadeathousandapologiesfornotbeingabletobreakthebill,andIcouldn't