Frank-O’Connor-GUESTS-OF-THE-NATION

1FrankO’Connor:GuestoftheNation(1931)AtduskthebigEnglishman,Belcher,wouldshifthislonglegsoutoftheashesandsayWell,chums,whataboutit?andNobleandmyselfwouldsayAllright,chum(forwehadpickedupsomeoftheircuriousexpressions),andthelittleEnglishman,Hawkins,wouldlightthelampandbringoutthecards.SometimesJeremiahDonovanwouldcomeupandsupervisethegame,andgetexcitedoverHawkins'cards,whichhealwaysplayedbadly,andshoutathimasifhewasoneofourown,Ah,youdivil,whydidn'tyouplaythe5tray?ButordinarilyJeremiahwasasoberandcontentedpoordevillikethebigEnglishman,Belcher,andwaslookeduptoonlybecausehewasafairhandatdocuments,thoughhewasslowevenwiththem.Heworeasmallclothhatandbiggaitersoverhislongpants,andyouseldomsawhimwithhishandsoutofhispockets.Hereddenedwhenyoutalkedtohim,tiltingfromtoetoheelandback,andlookingdownallthe,timeathisbigfarmer'sfeet.10Nobleandmyselfusedtomakefunofhisbroadaccent,becausewewerebothfromthetown.IcouldnotatthetimeseethepointofmyselfandNobleguardingBelcherandHawkinsatall,foritwasmybeliefthatyoucouldhaveplantedthatpairdownanywherefromthistoClaregalwayandthey'dhavetakenroottherelikeanativeweed.Ineverinmyshortexperiencesawtwomentaketothecountryastheydid.TheywerepassedontousbytheSecondBattalionwhenthesearchforthembecametoohot,andNobleand15myself,beingyoung,tookthemoverwithanaturalfeelingofresponsibility,butHawkinsmadeuslooklikefoolswhenheshowedthatheknewthecountrybetterthanwedid.You'rethebloketheycallBonaparte,hesaystome.MaryBrigidO'Connelltoldmetoaskwhatyou'ddonewiththepairofherbrother'ssocksyouborrowed.Foritseemed,astheyexplainedit,thattheSecondhadlittleevenings,andsomeofthegirlsofthe20neighborhoodturnedup,and,seeingtheyweresuchdecentchaps,ourfellowscouldnotleavethetwoEnglishmenout.HawkinslearnedtodanceTheWallsofLimerick,TheSiegeofEnnisand“TheWavesofToryaswellasanyofthem,thoughhecouldnotreturnthecompliment,becauseourladsatthattimedidnotdanceforeigndancesonprinciple.SowhateverprivilegesBelcherandHawkinshadwiththeSecondtheyjusttooknaturallywithus,andafterthe25firstcoupleofdayswegaveupallpretenceofkeepinganeyeonthem.Notthattheycouldhavegotfar,becausetheyhadaccentsyoucouldcutwithaknife,andworekhakitunicsandovercoatswithcivilianpantsandboots,butIbelievemyselftheyneverhadanyideaofescapingandwerequitecontenttobewheretheywere.ItwasatreattoseehowBelchergotoffwiththeoldwomaninthehousewherewewerestaying.Shewasagreatwarranttoscold,andcrankyevenwithus,butbeforeevershehadachanceofgivingourguests,asImay30callthem,alickofhertongue,Belcherhadmadeherhisfriendforlife.Shewasbreakingsticks,andBelcher,whohadnotbeenmorethantenminutesinthehouse,jumpedupandwentovertoher.Allowme,madam,hesaid,smilinghisqueerlittlesmile.Pleaseallowme,andhetookthehatchetfromher.Shewastoosurprisedtospeak,andafterthat,Belcherwouldbeatherheels,carryingabucket,abasketoraloadofturf.AsNoblesaid,hegotintolookingbeforesheleapt,andhotwater,oranylittlethingshewanted,35Belcherwouldhavereadyforher.Forsuchahugeman(andthoughIamfivefoottenmyselfIhadtolookupathim)hehadanuncommonlackofspeech.Ittookusalittlewhiletogetusedtohim,walkinginandoutlikeaghost,withoutspeaking.EspeciallybecauseHawkinstalkedenoughforaplatoon,itwasstrangetohearBelcherwithhistoesintheashescomeoutwithasolitaryExcuseme,chum,orThat'sright,chum.Hisoneandonlypassionwascards,andhewasaremarkablygoodcardplayer.HecouldhaveskinnedmyselfandNoble,40butwhateverwelosttohim,Hawkinslosttous,andHawkinsonlyplayedwiththemoneyBelchergavehim.Hawkinslosttousbecausehehadtoomucholdgab,andweprobablylosttoBelcherforthesamereason.HawkinsandNoblearguedaboutreligionintotheearlyhoursofthemorning,andHawkinsworriedthelifeoutof'Noble,whohadabrotherapriest,withastringofquestionsthatwouldpuzzleacardinal.Evenintreatingofholysubjects,Hawkinshadadeplorabletongue.Inevermetamanwhocouldmixsuchavarietyofcursingand45badlanguageintoanyargument.Hewasaterribleman,andafrighttoargue.Heneverdidastrokeofwork,andwhenhehadnooneelsetoarguewith,hegotstuckintheoldwoman.Hemethismatchinher,forwhenhetriedtogethertocomplainprofanelyofthedroughtshegavehimagreatcomedownbyblamingitentirelyonJupiterPluvius(adeityneitherHawkinsnorIhadeverheardof,thoughNoblesaidthatamongthepagansitwasbelievedthathehadsomethingtodowiththerain).Anotherdayhe50wasswearingatthecapitalistsforstartingtheGermanwarwhentheoldladylaiddownheriron,puckeredupherlittlecrab'smouthandsaid:Mr.Hawkins,youcansaywhatyoulikeaboutthewar,andthinkyou'lldeceivemebecauseI'monlyasimplepoorcountrywoman,butIknowwhatstartedthewar.ItwastheItalianCountthatstoletheheathendivinityoutofthetempleofJapan.Believeme,Mr.Hawkins,nothingbutsorrowandwantcanfollowpeoplewhodisturb55thehiddenpowers.Aqueeroldgirl,allright.2IIOneeveningwehadourteaandHawkinslitthelampandweallsatintocards.JeremiahDonovancameintoo,andsatandwatchedusforawhile,anditsuddenlystruckmethathehadnogreatloveforthetwoEnglishmen.ItcameasasurprisetomebecauseIhadnoticednothingofitbefore.LateintheeveningareallyterribleargumentblewupbetweenHawkinsandNobleaboutcapitalistsandpriests5andloveofcountry.Thecapitalistspaytheprieststotellyouaboutthenextworldsothatyouwon'tnoticew