MOVIE-SCRIPT---SCREENPLAY-----The-Big-Bang-Theory-

1.Scriptcompiledby„TheBigBangTheory“fans!THEBIGBANGTHEORYbyChuckLorre&BillPradySeason2,Episode1(s02e01)Title:TheBadFishParadigm---Dialogonly---LEONARDSo,yousee,whatyou'reeatingisnottechnicallyyogurt,becauseitdoesn'thaveenoughliveacidophiluscultures.It'sreallyjusticemilkwithcarrageenanaddedforthickness.PENNYOh,that'sveryinteresting.LEONARDHeh-heh.It'salsonotpinkandhasnoberries.PENNYYeah,butitdoesn'treallyanswermyquestion.LEONARDWhatwasyourquestionagain?PENNYDoyouwantsome?LEONARDAh.Right.No.I'mlactoseintolerant.PENNYRight.LEONARDSo,gas.PENNYYeah,gotit.LEONARD2.Well,goodnight.PENNYWhatareyoudoing?LEONARDThere'sadraft.PENNYIdidn'tfeeladraft.LEONARDWh-Whydon'twejustgointo,uh,your...?PENNYOh,yeah.Youknowwhat,maybeweshouldslowthingsdownalittle.LEONARDNo,no.Ididn'tmeantogointoyourapartmenttogofast.PENNYNo,Iknow.Iknowwhatyoumeant.It'sjustthisisonlyourfirstdate.LEONARDYeak,okay.Sure,noproblem.Whydon'twejustfigureoutwherewe'regoingandwhenwewanttogetthere.Andthenrateofspeedequalsdistanceovertime.SolveforR.PENNYOrwecouldjustwingit.LEONARDThatmightworktoo.PENNYGoodnight,Leonard.LEONARDGoodnight.RAJESHHe'scoming.Screensaver.HOWARDOhhey,Leonard.Howwasyourdate?LEONARDBiteme.Sheldon,howcouldyoujustsitthereandletthemspyonme?SHELDONTheywereclever,Leonard.Theyexploitedmycompletelackofinterestinwhatyouweredoing.3.HOWARDYoushouldthankus.WhenfuturegenerationstrytodeterminewhyyourrelationshipwithPennycrashedandburned,thisrighthereistheblackbox.LEONARDWhatareyoutalkingabout?Thedatewentfine.RAJESHDude,shesaidshewantstoslowthingsdown.LEONARDOkay,soshesaidshewantstoslowthingsdown.It'slikesaying,„I'mreallyenjoyingthismeal.I'mgoingtoslowdownandsavorit.“HOWARDNo,it'slike,„Thisfishtastesbad,soI'mgonnaslowdownandspititout.“RAJESHYoubeingthefish.LEONARDI'mnotthefish.HOWARDOh,really?Didyoumakeaseconddate?LEONARDWell,no.Wesortofdecidedtowingit.SHELDONOh,evenIknowthat'slame.LEONARDOkay.Allright.Let'sassumeyourhypothesis.Wewenttodinner,wetalked,welaughed,wekissed.WherecouldIhavepossiblygonewrong?HOWARDThinkback,Leonard.Thelittlestthingscansetwomenoff.Like,„Hey,thewaitressishot.Ibetwecouldgethertocomehomewithus.“Or,„Howmuchdoesyourmomweigh?IwannaknowwhatI'mgettinginto.“LEONARDIdidn'tsayanythinglikethat.HOWARDGood,'causetheydon'twork.4.RAJESHTheyalsodon'tcareforitifyoustareatthemandhyperventilate.Sadly,that'smyhome-runswing.LEONARDLook,everythingwentfine.Ididn'tevenhavetorefertomyimpromptuconversationstarters.Thatwomanacrossthehallisintome.HOWARDLet'sgotothetape.Lookatherreactiontothegoodnightkiss.Nochangeinrespiration,pupilsundilated,noflushingofthechest.RAJESHNiceclose-up,bytheway.SHELDONInteresting.Herjawsareclenched.Notongueaccess.Clearlyabadsignamongstmatinghumans.LEONARDThat'snotabadsign.SHELDONPlease,youmightaswellhavebeentwoiguanawithnodewlapenlargement.RAJESHAndtheworstsignofallisyou'rehereandnotthere.LEONARDI'mnottherebecauseI'mtakingthingsslow.Which,bytheway,comparedtoyouguys,approacheswarpspeed.Andtakedownthatcamera.RAJESHHewasalotmorefunwhenhehadnohope.HOWARDGivehimtime.============================================THEMESONG===========================================PENNYHi.5.SHELDONOh,hi,Penny.Yeah,FYI,thehotwaterisinadequateonmachinetwo,socolorsonly.Andfourisstillreleasingthefabricsoftenertooearlyinthecycle.SoI'davoidusingthatforyourdelicates.PENNYThanks.SHELDONWell,goodLord.Whydon'tyoujusttakeyourclothesdowntotheriverandbeat'emwitharock?PENNYSheldon,mayIaskyouaquestion?SHELDONIwouldpreferthatyounot,butIwon'tgosofarastoforbidit.PENNYAllright,Iheard„yes“,so...Okayhere'smyquestion:HasLeonardeverdated,youknow,aregulargirl?SHELDONWell,Iassumeyou'renotreferringtodigestiveregularity.'CauseI'vecometolearnthatsuchinquiriesareinappropriate.PENNYNo,Imeanthasheeverbeeninvolvedwithsomeonewhowasn'tabrainiac?SHELDONOh!Well,afewyearsago,hedidgooutwithawomanwhohadaPh.D.inFrenchliterature.PENNYHowisthatnotabrainiac?SHELDONWell,foronething,shewasFrench.Foranother,itwasliterature.PENNYSo...DoyouthinkthatifLeonardandIkeepdating,he'lleventuallygetboredwithme?SHELDONThatdepends.PENNYOnwhat?6.SHELDONDoyouhaveaworkingknowledgeofquantumphysics?PENNYNo.SHELDONDoyouspeakKlingon?PENNYNo.SHELDONYouknowanycardtricks?PENNYOkay.Igetit.Leonardhasnobusinessbeinginvolvedwithawaitress-slash-actresswhofeltsoinsecurethatsheliedtohimaboutfinishingcommunitycollege.SHELDONWhywouldyoulieaboutthat?PENNYWell,hewasgoingonandonaboutthiscollegeandthatgradschool,andI...Ididn'twanthimtothinkIwassomekindofstupidloser.SHELDONYouthoughttheoppositeof„stupidloser“was„community-collegegraduate“?PENNYYouknow,therearealotofsuccessfulpeopleinthiscountrywhoarecommunity-collegegraduates.SHELDONYeah,butyouareneither.PENNYRight.Okay,look,thisisbetweenyouandme.YoucannottellLeonardanyofthis.SHELDONYou'reaskingmetokeepasecret?PENNYYeah.SHELDONWell,I'msorry.Butyouwould'vehadtoexpressthatdesirebeforerevealingthesecret,sothatIcouldchoosewetherornotIwantedtoacceptthecovenantofsecret-7.keeping.Youcan'timposeasecretonanexpostfactobasis.PENNYWhat?SHELDONSecret-k