2016年10月浙江高考读后续写讲评

2016年10月高考真卷读后续写讲评第二节读后续写（满分25分）阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。OneweekendinJuly,Janeandherhusband,Tom,haddriventhreehourstocampovernightbyalakeintheforest.Unfortunately,onthewayanunpleasantsubjectcameupandtheystartedtoquarrel.Bythetimetheyreachedthelake,JanewassoangrythatshesaidtoTom,“I’mgoingtofindabetterspotforustocamp”andwalkedaway.Withnopathtofollow,Janejustwalkedonforquitealongtime.Aftershehadclimbedtoahighplace,sheturnedaround,hopingtoseethelake.Tohersurprise,shesawnothingbutforestand,farbeyond,asnowcappedmountaintop.Shesuddenlyrealizedthatshewaslost.“Tom!”shecried.“Help!”Noreply.IfonlyshehadnotlefthermobilephoneinthatbagwithTom.Janekeptmoving,butthefarthershewalked,themoreconfusedshebecame.Asnightwasbeginningtofall,Janewassotiredthatshehadtostopforthenight.Lyingawakeinthedark,JanewantedverymuchtobewithTomandherfamily.Shewantedtoholdhimandtellhimhowmuchshelovedhim.Janeroseatthebreakofday,hungryandthirsty.Shecouldhearwatertrickling(滴落)somewhereatadistance.Quicklyshefollowedthesoundtoastream.Tohergreatjoy,shealsosawsomeberrybushes.Shedrankandateafewberries.Neverinherlifehadshetastedanythingbetter.Feelingstrongernow,Janebegantowalkalongthestreamandhopeitwouldleadhertothelake.Asshepickedherwaycarefullyalongthestream,Janeheardahelicopter.Isthatforme?Unfortunately,thetreesmadeitimpossibleforpeopletoseeherfromabove.Afewminuteslater,anotherhelicopterflewoverhead.Janetookoffheryellowblouse,thinkingthatsheshouldgotoanopenareaandflagthemiftheycamebackagain.Butnomorehelicopterscameanditwasdark._________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ItwasdaybreakwhenJanewokeup.__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________续写批改要求：语言---功能与目的是否完成了交际任务，即，意义的表达与传达。Writer表达的与Reader理解的是否一致。写的东西是否makesense,正确和完整性。给分档次融洽度：人物，地点，事件等与前文相符合。晚上Jane做了生么？从Jane的角度去写。这样衔接才合理。“文气”---读起来通畅，舒服。关键词对续写起框定和引导作用：人物：Jane/Tom环境：theforest器物：helicopter/yellowblouse动作：walked/climbed内容如何丰富：1）同义词、反义词替换。2）故事情节上下功夫。注意：不要刻意地使用所谓的高频词汇与语法结构。写作是为了意义的妥切传达。15分为及格分。批卷时：先确定档次，再定给分。以语言为主，情节次之。全抄的零分，拼凑的有意义的，给1—2分。少于130个字的扣2分。考生的典型错误：用否定造句，中式化，词性用错：Idon’tfamiliarwithCanada.IfyourfamilyhavespecialcultureIshouldknow.ItisthefirsttimethatIgotoCanada.Iwouldappreciatedthat/IfeelappreciatedifIwillarrivedthereaexchangestudentIlookforwardtomeetyouIwillarrivein2017.6.1Ihopeyoucanwritetomequickly(soon).IwillbecomeaexchangestudentgotoCanadaIwillarriveinApril8thCanyoutellmewhatshouldIhavetoprepare…pickupmeIamnervousBecauseIdon’tknowanywhomIverylikereadingbooksIhavesomeproblemsthatwhatcanIdoforthestudyIwillarriveafter2months表达尚可：1.Itrulycan’twait2.Thrilledly,Iwillcomeandliveinyourhome.3.I’mconvincedthatwewillliveinharmonywitheachother.4.Asscheduled,myplanewilltakeoff/arriveon…Myplaneisduetoarriveon5.Inordertohaveaperfectexperience,Iamsupposedtomakesomenecessarypreparations.6.MayIhavearoomwithaccesstotheInternet?7.Iwonderifyoucouldoffermesomeadvice/suggestions8.Thisbeingmyfirsttripto….Ifeel…9.Wouldyousokindastopickmeupattheairport?10.SoactiveamIthatIbelieveitwillbeawonderfulexperiencewithyourfamily.11.Itisnodenyingthefactthatwewillhaveawonderfulexperiencetogether.12.Wordsfailtoexpressmygratitude13.I’mLiHua,anexchangestudentwhoare(am)pleasedtolivewithyounextterm.14.SoconfusedamIthatIhavenoideawhattoprepareforthistrip.Lookingforwardtoyourreplyatyourearliestconvenience.I’mwritingtoinformyouthatIwillgotoCanadanexttermasanexchangestudent.样卷1(23分)Butnomorehelicopterscameanditwasgettingdarkagain.Feelingscaredandhelpless,Janesatbesideatreeandheldhershoulderinherarmstomakeherselfwarm.Slowly,thesunhidhimselfbehindthemoutains,anditwashardtoseeanything.Lookingthroughthethickdarkness,JaneseemedtoseeTom’ssmilingface.ShesaidtoherselfforthousandstimesthatshewouldnotleaveTomagain.Withamindtofindhim,Janestratedtolookforthelakeindarkness.Anhourlater,shewastootired.Shelaydownonarock.ItwasdaybreakwhenJanewokeup.Itwasafoggyday.Janeclimbeddowntherock.Sheheardthesoundofthestream,soshewalkedtowardthewater.Shesuddenlyheardsomeone’svoice.Tohergreatjoy,itwasTom!Herushedtoherandhuggerhiswifefirmly.Theircrywhichwasfullofhappinessbrokethesilenceintheforest.Afterseveralminutes,whenthefogwassweptbythewind,Janefiguredouteverything:lastnightshewalkedhereaccidentally.Tomrecognizedherbytheyellowblouseinthemorning.Mostamazing,itwasthecarthatJanesleptonratherthanarock!样卷2（18分）Butnomorehelicopterscameanditwasgettingdarkagain.Janebecamemoreandmorenervous.Shethoughtshewouldbestarvetodeaththistime.Howshewishahelicoptercouldcome.Butitdidn’thappen.Shecontinuedtowalktofindanopenareasothathecouldflagheryellowblouse.However,itwastoodarktolookaroundclearly.SoJanemadeadecision.Shedidn’twanttogoonanymore.Shewassotiredandfindanareawhichwasfullofgrass.Shesleeptsoon.ItwasdaybreakwhenJanewokeup.Shewa