The Rocking-Horse Winner 原文

1TheRocking-HorseWinnerTherewasawomanwhowasbeautiful,whostartedwithalltheadvantages,yetshehadnoluck.Shemarriedforlove,andtheloveturnedtodust.Shehadbonnychildren,yetshefelttheyhadbeenthrustuponher,andshecouldnotlovethem.Theylookedathercoldly,asiftheywerefindingfaultwithher.Andhurriedlyshefeltshemustcoverupsomefaultinherself.Yetwhatitwasthatshemustcoverupsheneverknew.Nevertheless,whenherchildrenwerepresent,shealwaysfeltthecenterofherheartgohard.Thistroubledher,andinhermannershewasallthemoregentleandanxiousforherchildren,asifshelovedthemverymuch.Onlysheherselfknewthatatthecenterofherheartwasahardlittleplacethatcouldnotfeellove,no,notforanybody.Everybodyelsesaidofher:Sheissuchagoodmother.Sheadoresherchildren.Onlysheherself,andherchildrenthemselves,knewitwasnotso.Theyreaditineachother'seyes.Therewereaboyandtwolittlegirls.Theylivedinapleasanthouse,withagarden,andtheyhaddiscreetservants,andfeltthemselvessuperiortoanyoneintheneighborhood.Althoughtheylivedinstyle,theyfeltalwaysananxietyinthehouse.Therewasneverenoughmoney.Themotherhadasmallincome,andthefatherhadasmallincome,butnotnearlyenoughforthesocialpositionwhichtheyhadtokeepup.Thefatherwentintotowntosomeoffice.Butthoughhehadgoodprospects,theseprospectsnevermaterialized.Therewasalwaysthegrindingsenseoftheshortageofmoney,thoughthestylewasalwayskeptup.Atlastthemothersaid:IwillseeifIcan'tmakesomething.Butshedidnotknowwheretobegin.Sherackedherbrains,andtriedthisthingandtheother,butcouldnotfindanythingsuccessful.Thefailuremadedeeplinescomeintoherface.Herchildrenweregrowingup,theywouldhavetogotoschool.Theremustbemoremoney,theremustbemoremoney.Thefather,whowasalwaysveryhandsomeandexpensiveinhistastes,seemedasifheneverwouldbeabletodoanythingworthdoing.Andthemother,whohadagreatbeliefinherself,didnotsucceedanybetter,andhertasteswerejustasexpensive.Andsothehousecametobehauntedbytheunspokenphrase:Theremustbemoremoney!Theremustbemoremoney!Thechildrencouldhearitallthetime,thoughnobodysaiditaloud.TheyhearditatChristmas,whentheexpensiveandsplendidtoysfilledthenursery.Behindtheshiningmodernrocking-horse,behindthesmartdoll'shouse,avoicewouldstartwhispering:Theremustbemoremoney!Theremustbemoremoney!Andthechildrenwouldstopplaying,tolistenforamoment.Theywouldlookintoeachother'seyes,toseeiftheyhadallheard.Andeachonesawintheeyesoftheothertwothattheytoohadheard.Theremustbemoremoney!Theremustbemoremoney!2Itcamewhisperingfromthespringsofthestill-swayingrocking-horse,andeventhehorse,bendinghiswooden,champinghead,heardit.Thebigdoll,sittingsopinkandsmirkinginhernewpram,couldhearitquiteplainly,andseemedtobesmirkingallthemoreself-consciouslybecauseofit.Thefoolishpuppy,too,thattooktheplaceoftheteddy-bear,hewaslookingsoextraordinarilyfoolishfornootherreasonbutthatheheardthesecretwhisperalloverthehouse:Theremustbemoremoney!Yetnobodyeversaiditaloud.Thewhisperwaseverywhere,andthereforenoonespokeit.Justasnooneeversays:Wearebreathing!inspiteofthefactthatbreathiscomingandgoingallthetime.Mother,saidtheboyPauloneday,whydon'twekeepacarofourown?Whydowealwaysuseuncle's,orelseataxi?Becausewe'rethepoormembersofthefamily,saidthemother.Butwhyarewe,mother?Well--Isuppose,shesaidslowlyandbitterly,it'sbecauseyourfatherhasnoluck.Theboywassilentforsometime.Isluckmoney,mother?heaskedrathertimidly.No,Paul.Notquite.It'swhatcausesyoutohavemoney.Oh!saidPaulvaguely.IthoughtwhenUncleOscarsaidfilthylucker,itmeantmoney.Filthylucredoesmeanmoney,saidthemother.Butit'slucre,notluck.Oh!saidPaulvaguely.Thenwhatisluck,mother?It'swhatcausesyoutohavemoney.Ifyou'reluckyyouhavemoney.That'swhyit'sbettertobebornluckythanrich.Ifyou'rerich,youmayloseyourmoney.Butifyou'relucky,youwillalwaysgetmoremoney.Oh!Willyou?Andisfathernotlucky?Veryunlucky,Ishouldsay,shesaidbitterly.Theboywatchedherwithunsureeyes.Why?heasked.Idon'tknow.Nobodyeverknowwhyonepersonisluckyandanotherunlucky.Don'tthey?Nobodyatall?Doesnobodyknow?PerhapsGod.ButHenevertells.Heoughtto,then.Andaren'tyouluckyeither,mother?Ican'tbe,ifImarriedanunluckyhusband.Butbyyourself,aren'tyou?IusedtothinkIwas,beforeImarried.NowIthinkIamveryunluckyindeed.Why?Well--nevermind!PerhapsI'mnotreally,shesaid.Thechildlookedather,toseeifshemeantit.Buthesaw,bythelinesofhermouth,thatshewasonlytryingtohidesomethingfromhim.3Well,anyhow,hesaidstoutly,I'maluckyperson.Why?saidhismother,withasuddenlaugh.Hestaredather.Hedidn'tevenknowwhyhehadsaidit.Godtoldme,heasserted,brazeningitout.IhopeHedid,dear!shesaid,againwithalaugh,butratherbitter.Hedid,mother!Excellent!saidthemother,usingoneofherhusband'sexclamations.Theboysawshedidnotbelievehim;or,rather,thatshepaidnoattentiontohisassertion.Thisangeredhimsomewhat,andmadehimwanttocompelherattention.Hewentoffbyhimself,vaguely,inachildishway,seekingforthecluetoluck.Absorbed,takingnoheedofotherpeople,hewentaboutwithasortofstealth,seekinginwardlyforluck.Hewantedluck,hewantedit,hewantedit.Whenthetwogirlswereplayingdollsinthenursery,hewouldsitonhisbigrocking-horse,chargingmadlyintospace,withafrenzythatmadethelittlegirlspeerathimuneasily.Wildlythehorsecareeredthewavingdarkhai