二模开放作文讲评、有范文

二模开放作文讲评开放作文的评分要求：1）逻辑是否清晰2）语言表达是否准确审图思考立意anostrichasnailfastslowapollutedcityacomfortablevillage学生在作文中呈现的可接受立意：Weshouldn’tdestroyourenvironmentinordertodevelopourcity.NotthefasterthebetterIfpeoplenotonlythinkhighlyofthedevelopmentbutalsopayattentiontotheenvironment,wewillliveabetterlife.Weoughttoprotecttheenvironmentratherthanonlywishthedevelopmentatahighspeed.Aquicklifemaynotleadtoaneasylife.Weshouldhaveabalancebetweendevelopmentandenvironment.不可接受的立意Aslowlifecanbringhappinesstous.Ancientpeople’slifeiseasybuthealthy.Wecan’tevolutesoquick.Everycitywantstomakeprogress.Romewasn’tbuiltinaday.Theincreasingdevelopmentbringspollutionandpeacefullifecan’tbecomemodern.Peopleenjoytwodifferentlifestyles.Weshouldn’tmakeustootiredinthemodernsociety.建议此张幻灯片不展示给学生，老师做参考。Onepossibleversion(范文-未修改）Anostrichisrunningfastbutlivinginaheavily-pollutedcity.Ontheotherhand,asnailiscrawlingslowlyandenjoyingageenandpeacefulcountrylife.Whetherweshouldgofastorslowinourdevelopment,Ithink,thepainterhasalreadygivenhisanswer.Inrecentyears,therearealotofbadhappeningsonourearth—sandstorms,floods,evennuclearleakages,whichhasmadeourearthlesssuitableforliving.Thisisallbecausehumansaretooeagerandgreedyforabetterlife.Theydon’tspendtimethinkingandplanningbeforetheystarttheirwork.Whynottryasimplerandslowerlifestyle?Itmayhelpsolveourproblemofenvironment.AnalyzethefollowingcompositionsAsisshowninthepicture,asnailwithabeautifultownrunsbehindtheostrichwithaquicklydevelopingbutpollutedseriouscity.Theostrichfeelstired,butthesnailenjoysitself.Thepicutreseemstoreflectasocialphemonemon.Moreandmorecitieswanttohavearapidlydeveloping,buttheyalwaysignoreothers.Tohaveaslowerprogressandmakeeffortsstepbystep,youwillfinditmaymorefitforus.Likethetownonthesnail,peoplelivetherefeelhappyandtheairisclear,butthecityontheostrichisfilledwithcarsanddirtyair.Soonlyinthiswaycanwehavealongdevelopment.(9分，立意slowerprogress,makeeffortstepbystep描图简洁完整,但是论证最后不完整,结尾总结不够准确,语言有个别错误.)Ascanbeseenfromthepicture,arunningostrichwithadevelopedcountryisdirtywhilethesnailwithacitythatdevelopedslowlyisclean.Thepicturetriestotellsusthatitseemsthatgoingfastisagoodthingbutactuallynot.Maybetherightthingistogoslowlybutinagoodqualityjustlikethesnailinthepictureinsteadoftheostrich.Now,weareeagertodevelopourcountryquicklywithoutcaringaboutitsenvironment.Andinfact,that’stotallywrong.Weshouldfindthebalancebetweenthespeedofdevelopmentandtheenvironmentatthesametime.Onlyinthisway,canwelivebetter.(9分，立意balancebetweenthedevelopmentandenvironment.语言质量较高，描图为立意铺垫,论证可再充实）Aswecanseeinthepicture,theostrichstandsforcity’slife.Ittryitsbesttorunmorefaster.Thesnailstandsforcountryside’slife,itmovesslowlybutitfeelshappy.Themeaningfulpicturewantstotellusthatweshouldlivecountryside’slife,justlikethesnailinthepicture,insteadoflivingafastorbusylife.Theostrichlikemostpeopleinthecity.Theyliveabusylifetoearnmoney.Althoughtheybecomeweathly,theywillneverfeelhappy,becausetherealhappinessisenjoyingaeasylife.Let’sstartlivingacountryside’slifeandwewillgainalotofhappinessformthiseasylife.(9分，立意countryside’slife,happyandeasylife.描图为论点做了铺垫，语言简单但能较好支持观点,个别单词拼写和词性有错误）Aswecanseeinthepicture,thereisaostrichrunningquicklyontheroadandonitsbacktherearemanytallbuildingsfactoriesandcarsarepollutingtheair.Behindtheostrichthereisasnailwalkingslowlyalongtheroadandonitsbacktherearemanypeopleandbirdslivinginasmallbeautifultownhappily.Differentpeoplemayholddifferentopinions.Inmyopinionthepictureseemstotellussomethingimportantthatweshouldn’tonlyfocusonthespeedofthedevelopment,weshouldalsocareabouttheenvironmentoftheearth.Thephemomenonofthepictureisverycommoninourlife,butfewpeoplerealizetheimportanceoftheproblem.Theenvironmentisthemostimportantthingofusinsteadofdevelopment.Wemustmakeourdevelopmentonthebasicofourenvironmentcouldn’tbedestoried.(9分，描图准确完整,和立意联系紧密,观点表述清楚.有个别语言错误,标点使用不够规范准确)Asisdepictedinthepicture,thereisanostrichrunningfastwithadevelopingcitywhilethereisasnailrunningslowlywithabeautifulnaturalvillage.However,thecityispollutingtheenvironment,thevillageisnot.Whatthepictureconveysisthatweoughttoprotecttheenvironmentrahterthenonlywishingthedevelopmentatafastspeed.Inourdailylife,manypeopleonlyconsidertheirownbenefitbutignorethattheyaredoingharmtotheenvironment.Asregardsme,Ithinkwearesupposedtoconsidermoreforthesocietyespeciallytheenvironmentwhenwemakegreateffortstolivebetter.(10分，论点weshouldprotecttheenvironment.描图清楚,为后面的论证做了铺垫，论证有事实作支持,条理清楚）Aswecanseeinthepicture,anostrichwhichhavingaverymoderncityonitsbackisruningquicklywhileasnailwhichhavingalittlevillageonitsbackismovingslowly.Althoughthe“ostrich’scity”developedveryquickly,thepollutionofitisterrible,butthe“snail’stown’s”airisclearlyandpeopleallhavingahappylife.Itshowsawordthataquicklifemaybenotleadaeasylife.Today,lotsofpeoplearetryingtheirbesttoearnenoughmoneyfortheirfamilyorfortheirlife.Althoughtheymaybehavearichlife,thequicklifehasalreadydistroytheirhealthsothattheycan’thaveahappylife.Justliketheostrichinthepicture,althoughitranfastandhaveamoderncity,itfeelverytired.Howst