英语搞笑话剧――三顾茅庐

Threevisitstothecottage主要人物：诸葛亮、诸葛家仆人（朱不亮）、刘备、关羽、张飞、旁白（同时操作电脑）旁白：Threevisitstothecottage（中文名三顾茅庐）isastoryfromoneoftheFourGreatclassicalChinesenovels——theThreeKindoms.ZhuGeliangisoneofthemaincharactersintheoriginal.Also,heisanoutstandingmilitarist,politicianandthesymbolofthewisdominChinesehistory.Anothermainactors——Liubei,whovisitedZhuGeliang'sthatchedcottagethreetimesandwantedtoinvitehimtobehismilitaryadviser.Finally,ZhuGeliangwasmovedbyLiubei'sincerity,helpedthethreebrothers——Liubei,GuanyuandZhangfeitoestablishtheShuKindom.Now，let’sgointothestory.第一幕屋子中，诸葛亮在屋里走着，诸葛亮：Buliang，thisclassroomissodirty，猪不亮扫地，送水（营养快线）三兄弟上场，关羽（头巾），刘备（墨镜），张飞（不停打嗝）刘：饭后一支烟，赛过活神仙Acigerateafterdinnerplaysanimportantroleinmylife.（伸手，张飞点烟，刘深吸一口，长舒一口气）刘：嗯？没点着En?Itdosen’tburnon.张飞：凑合着吧，老师不让抽烟Sorry，wecanonlyhasthis.Wecan’tsmokeintheclassroom!关羽：此番前来，定要邀请的卧龙先生WemustinviteMr.ZhuGeliang!张飞：必须的，老曹太欺负人了Certainly,Mr.Caobullyustoomuch.三人来到门前，石头剪子布刘备：Accordingtoourcustom？关羽：OK.张飞：Noproblem.刘备三人进行石头剪子布，刘备输了，其余两人把刘备推到前面。刘备作出一幅英勇就义的姿态，（上海滩响起）刘备作按门铃状，（门铃声响起）。诸葛亮：Buliang（不亮）,gotoopenthedoor.仆人：Heng!(哼)仆人板着个脸到了门口，做了一个甩头的动作，并呼啦呼啦头发，然后深呼吸，放平稳，保持微笑。然后打开门，举了个躬。仆人：안녕하세요(发音anihasaiyao~~~，中文意思：你好)刘备：CanyouspeakEnglish?关羽：（紧接着刘备）CanyouspeakChinese?张飞：（紧接着）CanyouspeakJapanese?刘备：（紧接着）Spanish?关羽：（紧接着）Congolese?张飞：（紧接着）Egyptian?仆人：（紧接着）Shutup!Whoareyoupeople?刘备：(摆个pose)I’mLiubei.关羽：(也摆个pose)I’mGuanyu.张飞：(同样摆个pose，把关羽碰倒了)I’mSorry.刘备三人赶紧把仆人扶起来。猪不亮：你们怎么来的啊Whatdoyouthreetaketocomehere?张飞：骑马来的啊，做骑马状Ridingahorse,ofcourse.猪不亮：那你们怎么骑马来的啊？So,Howdoyouridingahorse?三人面面相觑，猪不亮关门刘备突然明白了，“money！！”张飞关羽耸肩都没带钱，下台第二幕三兄弟上台，张飞关羽手提礼品关羽猥琐的说:这次应该可以了吧，上次也怨我们Ithinkwe’llmanageitthistime.张飞：啥啊，如果你不是拉着我，老子一嗓子吼死他（做咆哮状，老虎声音）What?Ifyoudon’tpullme,Iwilleasilykillhimwithmystrongthroat!刘备：行了，行了，我们来干啥来了稍息。。。立正。。。（张飞关羽照做）Stop,stop,Whatarewedoinghere?Atease!—Attention!刘备：都给我机灵点（张飞关羽点头答应）Youthree!Becleverthistime!屋子中……（英文歌，诸葛亮和猪不亮正喝酒，猪不亮哼着英语歌，他两个喝醉了）诸葛亮：MYGOD！！上天你为什么这么惩罚我MyGod!!Whydoyoupunishme?!猪不亮：老大别难过，班长杨超不也没过吗Don’tbesad,myboss.AsIknow,ourmonitordoes’tpasstheexamination.诸葛亮：我的四级考试啊，开始哭．．．What？ourmonitordoes’tpasstheexamination？But，MyEnglishcetband4alsolosed···（换背景音乐，猪不亮跟着哭，门铃响，猪不亮醉醺醺的摇摇晃晃去开门）猪不亮：谁啊Who’sthis?张飞：收水费的Icomeheretochargethebillofelectricity（开门，三人一脸嬉笑）刘备：我们又来了，麻烦小弟通报一下Wearehereagain,bothertonoticeyourboss.（猪不亮四下环顾，把礼品接过来了）（屋子里传来悲伤的气息，张飞和关羽抹眼泪）张飞：怎么突然一阵感伤涌上心头（自言自语）Ijustfeelsomefeelingofsorrowinmyheart..关羽：请问卧龙先生在家吗，我们想见一下（SEE）IsMrZhuGehome?Wewanttohaveatalkwithhim,please.猪不亮：吟诗，见与不见。。。（你见，或者不见我It’sdoesn’tmatterifyouseemeornot我就在那里Iamstandingrightthere不悲不喜Withnoemotion你念，或者不念我It’sdoesn’tmatterifyoumissmeornot情就在那里Thefeelingisrightthere不来不去Anditisn’tgoinganywhere你爱或者不爱我It’sdoesn’tmatter）（猪不亮转身关门，站不稳）刘：What?！！张飞：是不是家里死人了，下次再来吧I’mafraidsome-oneimportantofhimdiedhere.Let’sgo.Maybeweshouldcomenexttime.关羽：希望死的不是诸葛亮Oh,IwishZhuGeliangdoes’tdie…（关羽，刘备打张飞，下台。。）第三幕（诸葛亮和猪不亮玩三国杀，背景音乐，术语）（诸葛亮又赢了）猪不亮：老大你真NBYouaretheman!诸葛亮：那是，你不想想我是干什么的，我打算过了年就去找刘备，找份工作Hum！That’sapieceofcake.AndIthinkIshouldgotoLiuBei’scorporationtofindajobafterSpringFestival.猪不亮：你想去刘备那里？？What?YousaidyouwannatogotoLiuBei’scompany?诸葛亮：嗯，那里用不着英语En...That’sagoodplaceinwhichIneednotspeakEnglish.猪不亮：前几天他来过了，让我赶跑了But...uh,Idrovehimawayafewdaysago.门铃响。。猪不亮：说来就来了Speakofthedevilandhedothappear.（三兄弟，大跨步的走进来，诸葛亮一见到很激动）诸葛亮：大哥，想死我了（拥抱）你带我走吧Boss!Iachedforyousomuch,pleasehelpme!刘备：镇定镇定，既然兄弟这么看得起我，那咱们就一起大干一场吧Becalm.Sinceyoutrustmesomuch,let’sgoanddoit!（出发。。）诸葛亮：大哥等等，那。。那，一月多少钱啊Wait,wait...Myboss,uh,howmuchwill..Iget..fromyouthen.张飞：（恐吓状）兄弟之间不谈钱，谈钱多伤感情，（拎着诸葛亮就走）Ithurtsfeelingswhenitcomestomoney!（猪不亮在后面拿着包袱，大喊）猪不亮：带上我吧，（走路（小沈阳状））Oh,Pleasetakemeaway.闭幕。。。。