2016年10月浙江高考读后续写讲评

2016年10月高考真卷读后续写讲评OneweekendinJuly,Janeandherhusband,Tom,haddriventhreehourstocampovernightbyalakeintheforest.Unfortunately,onthewayanunpleasantsubjectcameupandtheystartedtoquarrel.Bythetimetheyreachedthelake,JanewassoangrythatshesaidtoTom,“I’mgoingtofindabetterspotforustocamp”andwalkedaway.Withnopathtofollow,Janejustwalkedonforquitealongtime.Aftershehadclimbedtoahighplace,sheturnedaround,hopingtoseethelake.Tohersurprise,shesawnothingbutforestand,farbeyond,asnowcappedmountaintop.Shesuddenlyrealizedthatshewaslost.“Tom!”shecried.“Help!”Noreply.IfonlyshehadnotlefthermobilephoneinthatbagwithTom.Janekeptmoving,butthefarthershewalked,themoreconfusedshebecame.Asnightwasbeginningtofall,Janewassotiredthatshehadtostopforthenight.Lyingawakeinthedark,JanewantedverymuchtobewithTomandherfamily.Shewantedtoholdhimandtellhimhowmuchshelovedhim.Janeroseatthebreakofday,hungryandthirsty.Shecouldhearwatertrickling(滴落)somewhereatadistance.Quicklyshefollowedthesoundtoastream.Tohergreatjoy,shealsosawsomeberrybushes.Shedrankandateafewberries.Neverinherlifehadshetastedanythingbetter.Feelingstrongernow,Janebegantowalkalongthestreamandhopeitwouldleadhertothelake.Asshepickedherwaycarefullyalongthestream,Janeheardahelicopter.Isthatforme?Unfortunately,thetreesmadeitimpossibleforpeopletoseeherfromabove.Afewminuteslater,anotherhelicopterflewoverhead.Janetookoffheryellowblouse,thinkingthatsheshouldgotoanopenareaandflagthemiftheycamebackagain.Butnomorehelicopterscameanditwasdark.___________________________________________________________________________________________ItwasdaybreakwhenJanewokeup._________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________续写批改要求：语言---功能与目的是否完成了交际任务，即，意义的表达与传达。Writer表达的与Reader理解的是否一致。写的东西是否makesense,正确和完整性。给分档次融洽度：人物，地点，事件等与前文相符合。晚上Jane做了生么？从Jane的角度去写。这样衔接才合理。“文气”---读起来通畅，舒服。关键词对续写起框定和引导作用：人物：Jane/Tom环境：theforest器物：helicopter/yellowblouse动作：walked/climbed内容如何丰富：1）同义词、反义词替换。2）故事情节上下功夫。15分为及格分。批卷时：先确定档次，再定给分。以语言为主，情节次之。全抄的零分，拼凑的有意义的，给1—2分。少于130个字的扣2分。考生作文（2）P1Janewasexhaustedsinceshehadwalkedforseveralhoursalongthestream.However,shestillmanagedtocoverabigrockwithheryellowblouse,wonderingifanotherhelicopterwouldnoticethisremarkablesign.Shewasconvincedthatthelakewasnearby.Afterdoingthis,sheeventuallyclosedhereyesandhadasoundsleep.P2Shestruggledtoherfeetandfoundherselfinatent.Walkingoutside,ahelicoptercameintohersight.“Yousee,itdidsaveyourlife.”saidTom,whohandedahotchocolatetoJane.“ThemomentIlosttrackofyou,Icalledthepolicetofindyou.Inspiteofthefirsttwofailedattempts,wesawyouryellowblouselastnight.”SomethingstuckinJane’sthroatandshecouldsaynothingwithtearswellingupinhereyes.Thecouplehuggedeachotherinthemorningbreeze.(148words)短文续写高分特质融洽度与衔接内容与关键词语法结构与词汇句间连接与结构高；合理丰富；≥5个丰富；准确有效；紧凑1）合理推理逻辑性强；人称、时态、原文词块、句式顺承度高；2）思路立意高远；3）文风协调一致；情节推进细节展开关键词多且标注多种句式语法正确表达地道关联词合理情节紧密样卷1(23分)Butnomorehelicopterscameanditwasgettingdarkagain.Feelingscaredandhelpless,Janesatbesideatreeandheldhershoulderinherarmstomakeherselfwarm.Slowly,thesunhidhimselfbehindthemoutains,anditwashardtoseeanything.Lookingthroughthethickdarkness,JaneseemedtoseeTom’ssmilingface.ShesaidtoherselfforthousandstimesthatshewouldnotleaveTomagain.Withamindtofindhim,Janestratedtolookforthelakeindarkness.Anhourlater,shewastootired.Shelaydownonarock.ItwasdaybreakwhenJanewokeup.Itwasafoggyday.Janeclimbeddowntherock.Sheheardthesoundofthestream,soshewalkedtowardthewater.Shesuddenlyheardsomeone’svoice.Tohergreatjoy,itwasTom!Herushedtoherandhuggedhiswifefirmly.Theircrywhichwasfullofhappinessbrokethesilenceintheforest.Afterseveralminutes,whenthefogwassweptbythewind,Janefiguredouteverything:lastnightshewalkedhereaccidentally.Tomrecognizedherbytheyellowblouseinthemorning.Mostamazing,itwasthecarthatJanesleptonratherthanarock!样卷2（18分）Butnomorehelicopterscameanditwasgettingdarkagain.Janebecamemoreandmorenervous.Shethoughtshewouldbestarvetodeaththistime.Howshewishahelicoptercouldcome.Butitdidn’thappen.Shecontinuedtowalktofindanopenareasothathecouldflagheryellowblouse.However,itwastoodarktolookaroundclearly.SoJanemadeadecision.Shedidn’twanttogoonanymore.Shewassotiredandfindanareawhichwasfullofgrass.Shesleeptsoon.ItwasdaybreakwhenJanewokeup.Shewasveryhungryandthirsty.Sherememberedthestreamwhereshehadlooked.Shewalkedbackalongthepath.“IfIdidn’tquarrelwithTom,IfIstaywithTom,didn’twalkedaway.Wemusthaveagoodandromanticevening.”Janebegantocry,Whenshefelthopeless,ahelicoptercameagain.Tohergreatjoy,Tomstoodatfrontofheratadistance.Janewasshockedandrantowardshim.Theyhuggedeachothertightly.Tomsaid,“Iwon’tleaveyoualoneanymore.”Fortunately,Janewasfoundandtheycontinuedtheirexcitingjourney.样卷3.(15分)Butnohelicopterscameanditwasgettingdarkagain，Janefeltsodisappointedandlone.Noonewasherebuther,andshehadnothingwithher.Butshedidn’tlikebefore,shehadrealizedthatTomwasthinkingideatohelpher.Sosheshouldkeepherselfsafetytowaitforhelp.Inaddition,shemadeaplanthatsheshouldreachthelakeonthemorning.Becaus