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3PubTalkandtheKing'sEnglishHenryFairlieConversationisthemostsociableofallhumanactivities.Anditisanactivityonlyofhumans.Howeverintricatethewaysinwhichanimalscommunicatewitheachother,theydonotindulgeinanythingthatdeservesthenameofconversation.2Thecharmofconversationisthatitdoesnotreallystartfromanywhere,andnoonehasanyideawhereitwillgoasitmeandersorleapsandsparklesorjustglows.Theenemyofgoodconversationisthepersonwhohassomethingtosay.Conversationisnotformakingapoint.Argumentmayoftenbeapartofit,butthepurposeoftheargumentisnottoconvince.Thereisnowinninginconversation.Infact,thebestconversationalistsarethosewhoarepreparedtolose.Suddenlytheyseethemomentforoneoftheirbestanecdotes,butinaflashtheconversationhasmovedonandtheopportunityislost.Theyarereadytoletitgo.3Perhapsitisbecauseofmyup-bringinginEnglishpubsthatIthinkbarconversationhasacharmofitsown.Barfriendsarenotdeeplyinvolvedineachother'slives.Theyarecompanions,notintimates.Thefactthattheirmarriagesmaybeontherooks,orthattheirloveaffairshavebeenbrokenoreventhattheygotoutofbedonthewrongsideissimplynotaconcern.TheyarelikethemusketeersofDumaswho,althoughtheylivedsidebysidewitheachother,didnotdelveinto,eachother'slivesortherecessesoftheirthoughtsandfeelings.4Itwasonsuchanoccasiontheotherevening,astheconversationmoveddesultorilyhereandthere,fromthemostcommonplacetothoughtsofJupiter,withoutanyfocusandwithnoneedforone,thatsuddenlythealchemyofconversationtookplace,andallatoncetherewasafocus.Idonotrememberwhatmadeoneofourcompanionssayit--sheclearlyhadnotcomeintothebartosayit,itwasnotsomethingthatwaspressingonhermind--butherremarkfellquitenaturallyintothetalk.5SomeonetoldmetheOtherdaythatthephrase,'theKing'sEnglish'wasatermofcriticism,thatitmeanslanguagewhichoneshouldnotproperlyuse.6Theglowoftheconversationburstintoflames.Therewereaffirmationsandprotestsanddenials,andofcoursethepromise,madeinallsuchconversation,thatwewouldlookituponthemorning.Thatwouldsettleit;butconversationdoesnotneedtobesettled;itcouldstillgoignorantlyon.7ItwasanAustralianwhohadgivenhersuchadefinitionoftheKing'sEnglish,whichproducedsomerathertartremarksaboutwhatonecouldexpectfromthedescendantsofconvicts.WehadtraveledinfiveminutestoAustralia.Ofcourse,therewouldberesistancetotheKing'sEnglishinsuchasociety.ThereisalwaysresistanceinthelowerclassestoanyattemptbyanupperclasstolaydownrulesforEnglishasitshouldbespoken.8LookatthelanguagebarrierbetweentheSaxonchurlsandtheirNormanconquerors.TheconversationhadswungfromAustralianconvictsofthe19thcenturytotheEnglishpeasantsofthe12thcentury.Whowasright,whowaswrong,didnotmatter.Theconversationwasonwings.9Someonetookoneofthebest-knownofexamples,whichisstillalwaysworththereconsidering.WhenwetalkofmeatonourtablesweuseFrenchwords;whenwespeakoftheanimalsfromwhichthemeatcomesweuseAnglo-Saxonwords.Itisapiginitssty;itispork(porc)onthetable.Theyarecattleinthefields,butwesitdowntobeef(boeuf).Chickensbecomepoultry(poulet),andacalfbecomesveal(veau).EvenifourmenuswerenotwirtteninFrenchoutofsnobbery,theEnglishweusedinthemwouldstillbeNormanEnglish.WhatallthistellsusisofadeepclassriftinthecultureofEnglandaftertheNormanconquest.10TheSaxonpeasantswhotilledthelandandrearedtheanimalscouldnotaffordthemeat,whichwenttoNormantables.Thepeasantswereallowedtoeattherabbitsthatscamperedovertheirfieldsand,sincethatmeatwascheap,theNormanlordsofcourseturneduptheirnosesatit.Sorabbitisstillrabbitonourtables,andnotchangedintosomerenderingoflapin.11Aswelistentodaytotheargumentsaboutbilingualeducation,weoughttothinkourselvesbackintotheshoesoftheSaxonpeasant.ThenewrulingclasshadbuiltaculturalbarrieragainsthimbybuildingtheirFrenchagainsthisownlanguage.TheremusthavebeenagreatdealofculturalhumiliationfeltbytheEnglishwhentheyrevoltedunderSaxonleaderslikeHerewardtheWake.TheKing'sEnglish--ifthetermhadexistedthen--hadbecomeFrench.AndhereinAmericanow,900yearslater,wearestilltheheirstoit.12Sothenextmorning,theconversationover,onelookeditup.Thephrasecameintousesometimeinthe16thcentury.Queen'sEnglishisfoundinNash'sStrangeNewesoftheInterceptingCertaineLettersin1593,andin1602,Dekkerwroteofsomeone,thouclipsttheKinge'sEnglish.IsthephraseinShakespeare?Thatwouldbetheconfirmationthatitwasingeneraluse.Heusesitonce,whenMistressQuicklyinTheMerryWivesofWindsorsaysofhermastercominghomeinarage,...herewillbeanoldabusingofGod'spatienceandtheKing'sEnglish,anditringstrue.13Onecouldhaveexpectedthatitwouldbeaboutthenthatthephrasewouldbecoined.Afterfivecenturiesofgrowth,o1ftusslingwiththeFrenchoftheNormansandtheAngevinsandthePlantagenetsandatlastabsorbingit,theconqueredintheendconqueringtheconqueror.Englishhadcomeroyallyintoitsown.14TherewasaKing's(orQueen's)Englishtobeproudof.TheElizabethansblewonitasonadandelionclock,anditsseedsmultiplied,andfloatedtotheendsoftheearth.TheKing'sEnglishwasnolongeraformofwhatwouldnowberegardedasracialdiscrimination.15YettherehadbeensomethingintheremarkoftheAustralian.Thephrasehasalwaysbeenusedalittlepejorativelyandevenfacetiouslybythelowerclasses.OnefeelsthatevenMistressQuickly--aservant--issayingthatDr.C