How-to-Speak-So-That-People-Want-to-Listen

TEDLecturesHowtoSpeakSoThatPeopleWanttoListenJulianTreasureThehumanvoice:It'stheinstrumentweallplay.It'sthemostpowerfulsoundintheworld,probably.It'stheonlyonethatcanstartawarorsayIloveyou.Andyetmanypeoplehavetheexperiencethatwhentheyspeak,peopledon'tlistentothem.Andwhyisthat?Howcanwespeakpowerfullytomakechangeintheworld?0:32WhatI'dliketosuggest,thereareanumberofhabitsthatweneedtomoveawayfrom.I'veassembledforyourpleasureheresevendeadlysinsofspeaking.I'mnotpretendingthisisanexhaustivelist,buttheseseven,Ithink,areprettylargehabitsthatwecanallfallinto.0:48First,gossip,speakingillofsomebodywho'snotpresent.Notanicehabit,andweknowperfectlywellthepersongossipingfiveminuteslaterwillbegossipingaboutus.1:00Second,judging.Weknowpeoplewhoarelikethisinconversation,andit'sveryhardtolistentosomebodyifyouknowthatyou'rebeingjudgedandfoundwantingatthesametime.1:11Third,negativity.Youcanfallintothis.Mymother,inthelastyearsofherlife,becamevery,verynegative,andit'shardtolisten.Irememberoneday,Isaidtoher,It'sOctober1today,andshesaid,Iknow,isn'titdreadful?(Laughter)It'shardtolistenwhensomebody'sthatnegative.1:29Andanotherformofnegativity,complaining.Well,thisisthenationalartoftheU.K.It'sournationalsport.Wecomplainabouttheweather,aboutsport,aboutpolitics,abouteverything,butactuallycomplainingisviralmisery.It'snotspreadingsunshineandlightnessintheworld.1:47Excuses.We'veallmetthisguy.Maybewe'veallbeenthisguy.Somepeoplehaveablamethrower.Theyjustpassitontoeverybodyelseanddon'ttakeresponsibilityfortheiractions,andagain,hardtolistentosomebodywhoisbeinglikethat.2:01Penultimate,thesixthoftheseven,embroidery,exaggeration.Itdemeansourlanguage,actually,sometimes.Forexample,ifIseesomethingthatreallyisawesome,whatdoIcallit?(Laughter)Andthenofcoursethisexaggerationbecomeslying,outandoutlying,andwedon'twanttolistentopeopleweknowarelyingtous.2:23Andfinally,dogmatism,theconfusionoffactswithopinions.Whenthosetwothingsgetconflated,you'relisteningintothewind.Youknow,somebodyisbombardingyouwiththeiropinionsasiftheyweretrue.It'sdifficulttolistentothat.2:39Soheretheyare,sevendeadlysinsofspeaking.ThesearethingsIthinkweneedtoavoid.Butisthereapositivewaytothinkaboutthis?Yes,thereis.I'dliketosuggestthattherearefourreallypowerfulcornerstones,foundations,thatwecanstandonifwewantourspeechtobepowerfulandtomakechangeintheworld.Fortunately,thesethingsspellaword.Thewordishail,andithasagreatdefinitionaswell.I'mnottalkingaboutthestuffthatfallsfromtheskyandhitsyouonthehead.I'mtalkingaboutthisdefinition,togreetoracclaimenthusiastically,whichishowIthinkourwordswillbereceivedifwestandonthesefourthings.3:17Sowhatdotheystandfor?Seeifyoucanguess.TheH,honesty,ofcourse,beingtrueinwhatyousay,beingstraightandclear.TheAisauthenticity,justbeingyourself.Afriendofminedescribeditasstandinginyourowntruth,whichIthinkisalovelywaytoputit.TheIisintegrity,beingyourword,actuallydoingwhatyousay,andbeingsomebodypeoplecantrust.AndtheLislove.Idon'tmeanromanticlove,butIdomeanwishingpeoplewell,fortworeasons.Firstofall,Ithinkabsolutehonestymaynotbewhatwewant.Imean,mygoodness,youlookuglythismorning.Perhapsthat'snotnecessary.Temperedwithlove,ofcourse,honestyisagreatthing.Butalso,ifyou'rereallywishingsomebodywell,it'sveryhardtojudgethematthesametime.I'mnotevensureyoucandothosetwothingssimultaneously.Sohail.4:15Also,nowthat'swhatyousay,andit'sliketheoldsong,itiswhatyousay,it'salsothewaythatyousayit.Youhaveanamazingtoolbox.Thisinstrumentisincredible,andyetthisisatoolboxthatveryfewpeoplehaveeveropened.I'dliketohavealittlerummageintherewithyounowandjustpullafewtoolsoutthatyoumightliketotakeawayandplaywith,whichwillincreasethepowerofyourspeaking.4:37Register,forexample.Now,falsettoregistermaynotbeveryusefulmostofthetime,butthere'saregisterinbetween.I'mnotgoingtogetverytechnicalaboutthisforanyofyouwhoarevoicecoaches.Youcanlocateyourvoice,however.SoifItalkuphereinmynose,youcanhearthedifference.IfIgodownhereinmythroat,whichiswheremostofusspeakfrommostofthetime.Butifyouwantweight,youneedtogodownheretothechest.Youhearthedifference?Wevoteforpoliticianswithlowervoices,it'strue,becauseweassociatedepthwithpowerandwithauthority.That'sregister.5:15Thenwehavetimbre.It'sthewayyourvoicefeels.Again,theresearchshowsthatweprefervoiceswhicharerich,smooth,warm,likehotchocolate.Wellifthat'snotyou,that'snottheendoftheworld,becauseyoucantrain.Goandgetavoicecoach.Andthereareamazingthingsyoucandowithbreathing,withposture,andwithexercisestoimprovethetimbreofyourvoice.5:38Thenprosody.Iloveprosody.Thisisthesing-song,themeta-languagethatweuseinordertoimpartmeaning.It'srootoneformeaninginconversation.Peoplewhospeakallononenotearereallyquitehardtolistentoiftheydon'thaveanyprosodyatall.That'swheretheworldmonotoniccomesfrom,ormonotonous,monotone.Alsowehaverepetitiveprosodynowcomingin,whereeverysentenceendsasifitwereaquestionwhenit'sactuallynotaquestion,it'sastatement.(Laughter)Andifyourepeatthatoneoverandover,it'sactuallyrestrictingyourabilitytocommunicatethroughprosody,whichIthinkisashame,solet'stryandbreakthathabit.6:19Pace.Icangetve