Unit-4-How-to-Be-a-Good-Conversationalist

HowtoBeaGoodConversationalistHaveyoueverwhishedyouwerebetteratmakingconversation?Agreatconversationalistissomeonewhoconnectswithpeopleandmakesthemfeelimportant.Whentheytalktoyou,theymakeyoufeellikeyouaretheonlypersonintheroom.Becomingagoodconversationalistrequiresknowingthreethings:first,howtostartaconversation;second,howtokeepitgoing;third,howtoendit.Startingaconversationusuallymeanscomingupwithanopeninglineoricebreaker.Thebestkindoficebreakerisonethat‘spositive.Thelastthing（最不适宜的事）peoplewanttohearfromastrangerishownoisythepartis,howawfulthefoodis,orhowuglythepeoplearedressed.Acomplimentisalwaysagoodicebreakerandwillusuallybeappreciated.Thebestwaytoenticeapersontohaveaconversationwithyouisbybeingsincereandrespectful,andlettingthemknowthatyouareinterestedintalkingtothem.Onceyou’vegotaconversationgoing,thebestwaytokeepitgoingisbyaskingtheotherpersonquestionsthatdon’trequirejustayesornoanswerorquestionswhichshowgenuineinterestonyourpart.Forexample,ifsomeonesays,“I’mfromMiami,”youmayrespondwith,“Oh,I’vebeentoMiami!”andcontinuewith,“howlonghaveyoulivedthere?”Then,“Iwasbornthere,andIhavelivedthereallmylife.”Youmightsay,“I’venevermetanyonewhoisaFloridanative.IsyourfamilyfromMiamiaswell?”Youkeepaskingquestionsbasedonthelastthingapersonsays.Thisiscalledthe“elaborationtechnique.”（细化技巧）Choosequestionsthatwillgettheotherpersontoelaborateon（详细说明）whatthey’resaying.Askquestionssimilartothoseareportermightasktodrawapersonout:who,what,when,whereandwhyquestions.Onceyouhiton（偶然发现）somethingyoufindinteresting,keepaskingquestionsinordertogetthepersontoelaborateaboutthetopicasmuchaspossible.Agoodconversationalistelaboratesontheexperiencesthey’vehad.Insteadofsayingthepartywasfun,tellwhyitwasfun.Describewhyyouhadagoodtime---whowasthere,whathappened,whereitwas,andhowpeoplearrangedtheparty.Gointodetail.Descriptionisthebestformofcommunicationbecauseitkeepspeople’sinterestupandstimulatesthem.Usewordstocreateimagesandpaintpicturessothattheotherpersoncangetavisualaswellasanauditoryimage（听觉意象）ofwhatyou’redescribingtothem.Ifyouusethedescriptioneffectively,youcanmakethepersonfeelasthoughtheywereactuallythere.Inordertokeepaconversationgoing,thereareseventipsthatcanhelpyoubeanexcellentcommunicators:1.Beawareofyourownbodyandfaciallanguage.Makegoodfacialcontactwhenyouspeak,andbephysicallyexpressivewithoutbeingexcessive.2.Don’tgossip.Youruntheriskofoffendingthepersonyou’retalkingto.Italsomakesyoulooksmall.3.Cultivateawiderangeoftopics.4.Haveasenseofhumor.Everyoneenjoysahumorousstoryorjoke.Sexualandethnichumor,however,arenotworththeeffectsthatthejokesmayhaveonyourtotalimage5.Don’tinterrupt.Peoplehatebeinginterrupted.Fighttheimpulsetointerruptandgivethepersonyou’retalkingtothetimetheyneedtocompletewhatthey’resayingtoyou.6.Beenthusiasticandupbeat.Don’tbeafraidtoshowenthusiasm.Itallowstheotherpersontofeelthatyou’reinterestedinwhatthey’resayingtoyou.7.Beflexibleinyourpointofview.Trytobeasopenaspossible,andtrytoseethingsfromtheotherperson’spointofview.Ifyoustartedaconversationwithanotherperson,andyou’rehavingdifficultyendingit,thereareseveralsignalsyoucansendtotheotherpersonthatwillbringtheconversationtoitsclosewithouthurtinganyone’sfeelings.Breakingeyecontactisadiscreetsignalthattheconversationisabouttoend.Anotherwaytosignalistousetransitionwordslikewell,oratanyrate.Youmaywanttorecapallthatwassaid.Whateveryoudo,don’tlietotheotherperson.Ifyou’renotinterestedintalkingtothemagain,don’tmentionthepossibilityofafuturemeetingjusttobepolite.That’shypocritical.Instead,youmaywanttosay,“Nicemeetingyou.”Then,leave.Finally,besuretogivetheotherpersonagoodfirmhandshake.Thefinalimpressionyoumakecanbejustasimportantstheinitialoneyoumade.