2013届高三英语书面表达专题指导、练讲及习作评析(第三部分考场习作评析)(2)

第三部分2013届高考英语书面表达考场习作评析（二）试题来源：江苏省石庄高级中学2013届书面表达指导与练习【考场习作】•Recentlyourstudentunionhashadasurveyonreadingafterclass.(1)Resultsofthissurveyareasfollows.(2)Halfofthestudentsarefondofreadingnewspapersorvariousmagazines.(3)Thereare20%studentsusuallyreadcartoons.(4)Thepercentageofstudentswhochoosetoreadliterarybooksisonly10,whichisthesmallest.(5)Therestofthestudentslikereadingothers.(6)Accordingtothesestatistics,it’seasyforustofindthefactthatthenumberofthosewhochoosetoreadliterarybooksissmall.(7)Butwhatcausesthisphenomenon？(8)Atfirst,50studentscomplaintheyaretoobusywiththeirhomeworktoreadliterarybooks.(9)Thesecondreasonforthisphenomenonisthatschool’slibraryonlyopensforseveralhourseverydayandthereisn’tenoughbooksavailable.(10)Thirdly,it’sthehighpricethatdiscouragesomeonefromreadingliterarybooks.(11)Lastbutnotleast,parents’disagreementisalsoresponsibleforthisphenomenon.(12)Theybelieveitdoesnogoodtoexams.(13)AsfarasIamconcerned,it’smeaningfulforustoreadmoreliterarybooks,whichcannotonlyenrichourschoollifebutalsobroadenourhorizon.(14)Schoolsaresupposedtotakeeffectivemeasurestoencouragestudentstoreadmore,asreadingliterarybookscanbebeneficialforstudy.【习作评析】•在评析考生考场习作之前，先让我们来看一看该书面表达的最基本的要点是什么。•图表1•①学生课外阅读报刊杂志的占50%；•②学生课外阅读文学作品的占10%；•③学生课外阅读卡通画的占20%；•④学生课外阅读其它材料的占20%。【习作评析】•在评析考生考场习作之前，先让我们来看一看该书面表达的最基本的要点是什么。•图表1•①学生课外阅读报刊杂志的占50%；•②学生课外阅读文学作品的占10%；•③学生课外阅读卡通画的占20%；•④学生课外阅读其它材料的占20%。图表2没看过文学作品的原因①课业负担重，没有时间看文学作品的占了一半；②学校图书馆开放时间短，藏书有限；③文学名著太贵买不起；④家长认为阅读文学名著对考试无用，不予支持。以上要点必须在书面表达中有所表述，缺一不可。【习作的亮点】•全文共14句202字（不包括已经给出的句子），字数超标。要点表达齐全，较好地完成了题目所规定的任务。阅卷老师判分为20分（满分为25分）。•1.习作根据作者自身水平较多使用了复合句。同时也注意使用并列句、简单句以及强调句句，增加了文章的可读性。显示了作者的扎实的基本功。•2.习作注意了过渡词、过渡句的使用。如第二段中：(8)Atfirst,(10)Thirdly,(11)Lastbutnotleast,…(13)AsfarasIamconcerned,等。这样的运用使得文章表达连贯；•3.习作注意了高级词汇及句型的运用的使用使文章增色不少。如：various，Thepercentage，thisphenomenon，complain，available，isalsoresponsiblefor，aresupposedto等等。•4.习作在描述两幅图表时注意运用了不同的表达手法法。比如：(2)Halfofthestudentsarefondofreadingnewspapersorvariousmagazines.(4)Thepercentageofstudentswhochoosetoreadliterarybooksisonly10,whichisthesmallest.(5)Therestofthestudentslikereadingothers.•5.习作在谈谈看法（至少两点）时，咳嗽得很恰到好处地紧紧围绕图表2中所反映的（家长方面的和学•校方面的）两个原因来谈谈自己的看法，增加了文章的亮点。【习作的缺点】•1.句型的运用上有致命的错误。这也许是该习作为什么被扣分的最主要的原因。•如：(3)Thereis20%studentsusuallyreadcartoons.按照作者的基本功，根本就不应该出现这种中国学生在书面表达中经常出现的典型错误。•应改成：Thereare20%studentswhousuallyreadcartoons.或Thereare20%studentsusuallyreadingcartoons.•再如：(9)…andthereisn’tenoughbooksavailable.按照作者的基本功，根本就不应该出现这样的低级错误。•应改成：…andtherearen’tenoughbooksavailable.•2.因为有重复，所以表达显得过于冗长，这也许是该习作为什么被扣分的另一个主要原因。•如：“(6)Accordingtothesestatistics,it’seasyforustofindthefactthatthenumberofthosewhochoosetoreadliterarybooksissmall.”与上文的“(4)Thepercentageofstudentswhochoosetoreadliterarybooksisonly10,whichisthesmallest.”就是重复的。再说与上文联系的也不紧密。•似应改成“Whyaresomanystudentsunwillingtoreadliteraryworks?”或“Whyaresofewstudentswhochoosetoreadliteraryworks?”。这样一改“(7)Butwhatcausesthisphenomenon？”这一点就可以去掉而改成“AccordingtoChart2”，然后叙述原因，这样显得紧奏又顺理成章。•3.某些表达不准确，似有Chinglish之嫌。•如：(12)Theybelieveitdoesnogoodtoexams.该句老外可能也看得懂，但是绝对不是英语中表达的方式。•还是应改成：“Theybelievereadingliteraturewon’thelptheirchildrenatallwiththeirexams.”为妥当。•再有“(10)Thirdly,it’sthehighpricethatdiscouragesomeonefromreadingliterarybooks.”句型倒是个好句型，所用词汇也比较好，但是所表达的意思根本就不符合逻辑。•似乎应改成：Thirdly,it’sthehighpricethatmakesthemunabletoaffordtobuyliterarybooks.•4.词汇的搭配上有错误。•如：(14)…,asreadingliterarybookscanbebeneficialforstudy.•应改成：…,asreadingliterarybookscanbebeneficialtostudyingoursubjects.【修改后的习作】•Recentlyourstudentunionhashadasurveyonreadingafterclass.AsisshowninChart1,halfofthestudentsarefondofreadingnewspapersorvariousmagazines.20%studentsusuallyreadcartoons.Thepercentageofthosewhochoosetoreadliterarybooksisthesmallest,only10%.Thereststudentslikereadingothers.•Whyaresomanystudentsunwillingtoreadliteraryworks?AccordingtoChart2,firstly,50%studentscomplaintheyaretoobusywiththeirhomeworktoreadthem.Secondly,school’slibraryonlyopensforsofewhourseverydayandtherearen’tenoughbooksavailable.Thirdly,it’sthehighpricethatmakesthemunabletoaffordtobuyliterarybooks.Lastbutnotleast,parents’disagreementisalsoresponsibleforthisphenomenon.Theybelievereadingliteraturewon’thelptheirchildrenatallwiththeirexams.•AsfarasIamconcerned,it’smeaningfulforustoreadmoreliterarybooks,whichcannotonlyenrichour•schoollifebutalsobroadenourhorizon.Schoolsaresupposedtotakeeffectivemeasurestoencouragestudentstoreadmore,asreadingliterarybookscanbebeneficialtostudyingoursubjects.【参考答案】•Recentlyourstudentunionhashadasurveyonreadingafterclass.Chart1showsthat50percentofthestudentsspendtheirtimereadingnewspapersandmagazines.20percentofthestudentsseparatelychoosetoreadcartoonsorotherkindsofbooksintheirleisuretime.However,only10percentenjoyreadingliterature.Whyaresomanystudentsunwillingtoreadliteraryworks?AccordingtoChart2,halfofthestudentssaytheyhavenoenoughtimebecauseoftheirschoolworkburden.Somecomplainthatliteratureworksaretooexpensiveforthemtoaffordtobuyandstillsomestudents’parentssimplythinkthatreadingliteraturewon’thelptheirchildrenatallwiththei