I Am What I Am

IAmWhatIAmSometimesitseemstomethatIamalone…absolutelyalone.Nobodyinthisworldcanunderstandme.Butreallyitisnotso.Morningcomesandwiththemorningcomemyfriendsaswell.Theyremembermeandwehavealaughtogether.Whatcanbebetterthanfriends,especiallywhenyouareinagoodmood?Butifyouareinabadmood,youneedfriendsevenmore.WhenIaminabadmood,myfriendsalwaysmakeitbetter.Theysimplysayafewnicewordsthatimprovemymood.Then,Inolongerfeellikeawhitecrowinthisworld,butfeelpartofit,likeIbelongtothissociety.Thisismostimportantformeatthemoment.Whileaflowerisgrowing,itsstalkisnotyetstronganditneedssupport.ThisishowIamnow,andmyfriendsaremysupport.However,sometimesIgettheimpressionthateveryonelivesinsidetheirownshellsandonlyforthemselves.Or,maybeitisonlyIwholivesinsidemyownshell.Sometimesitseemsthateveryonewantssomethingfrommeandthatnobodywoulddoanythingfornothing.AndsometimesitfeelsthatIcannotletanybodyintomyheart;it’sopenbutnobodywantstogetin.Atthesemoments,Ican’tdoanythingwithmyself.Iammadeoftwoparts:optimistandpessimist.WhenIwakeup,IneverknowthroughwhatcolorglassesIwillseetheworldtoday.Peoplewhoknowmehavegottenusedtothis,andtothosethatdonotknowme,Ialwaystelltheminadvancesoasnottoscarethemaway.ButmybestfriendalwaysknowrightawaywhatkindofmoodIamin.Onlyonethingreallygetsonmynerves:monotony.Everydaybeingthesame,gettingupinthemorning,goingtoschool,thenbackhome,thendoingmyhomework,andgoingtosleep.Everydaythesame!Iwouldgomad…Ontheotherhand,youneverknowwhatmighthappentoyoufromonedaytothenext;Imightmeetnewfriendsormaybeoldfriendswillgetintouchwithme.Iamaromantic,but,forsomereason,nobodybelievesthis.Iloveroses,Ilovetheforest,Ilovemyfriends,Ilovemyparents,andmydog.Ilovewinterandsummer,QiongYao(afemalewriter),andmusic.MycousinalwayswondershowIcanlikebothBackstreetBoys(anAmericanpopband)andLiYuandi(AChinesepianoist).Ican’tlistenjusttorockorrap,forexample.Idon’tunderstandpeoplewhothinkthatiftheylikehip-hopandsomebodyelsedoesn’t,thenthatpersonishopelessandthereisnopointeventotalktohim.Everyonehastherighttotheirownopinionanditdoesnotmatterwhatstyleofmusichelistensto.Mostimportantisaperson’spersonality.Iespeciallylovemybedroom.Itisawholeseparatetopic.Myfriendssaythatitisamuseumbecauseallthewallsarecoveredwithphotographs,pictures,letters,andeverythingIget.Butmybedroomisnotamuseum;itismysoulandallofme!Itismylifefromthestarttopresent.Itismycastle,inwhichonlyveryclosepeoplecanenter.Myroomdoesnotexistwithoutme,nordoIwithoutit.Wearetwohalvesofonewhole.Ilovemybedroomverymuch.Ineverfeellonelyinmyroom,becausefromonewallmycousinlooksatme,fromanotherwall,myfriends,andhereIamonthefarm,andhereIamattheseaside…andeverythingthathaseverhappenedtome,everythingishere,inmyroom.AndIloveevenings,especiallywinterevenings.Silversnowonthestreets,andeverywherethereareyellowlightslikefireflies.Intheglasssky,itlooksasthoughsomebodyhasstucktiny,tinystarslikesmallpiecesofgrain.Butreallytheyareverybig.Maybesomebodylooksatusfromaboveexactlythesamewaywelookatthingsandthinksthatwearetiny,althoughwearenot.