Your-college-years

Sorry,thisisactuallyatextfromBook2.Itismaybealittledifficultforyoutograspthelanguagepointsinit,evenalittledifficulttounderstand,andmaybeit’sawasteofmoney,yetIthinkitisveryimportantforyoutoknowsthinit.YourCollegeYearsHaveyoueverconsideredthechangesthataretakingplaceandwilltakeplaceinyourlifeasacollegestudent?Hasiteveroccurredtoyouthatyourprofessorsandotherschoolpersonnelhavecertaingoalsforyourgrowthandmaturityduringyourcollegeyears?Hasiteverdawnedonyouthatcertaindevelopmentalchangeswilloccurinyourlifeasyoumovefromadolescencetoyoungadulthood?Thoughcollegestudentsseldomthinkaboutthem,keychangeswillprobablyhappentothemduringtheircollegeyears.Duringthistime，studentsaregoingthroughanidentitycrisisandareendeavoringtofindoutwhotheyareandwhattheirstrengthsandweaknessesare．Theyhave,ofcourse,plentyofboth．Itisimportanttoknowhowpeopleperceivethemselvesaswellashowotherpeopleperceivethem.AccordingtoPiersandLandau,inanarticlediscussingthetheoriesofErikH.EricksoninInternationalEncyclopediaofSocialSciences(1979)，identityisdeterminedbygeneticendowment(whatisinheritedfromparents),shapedbyenvironment，andinfluencedbychanceevents.Peopleareinfluencedbytheirenvironmentand,inturn,influencetheirenvironment.Howpeopleseethemselvesinbothrolesisunquestionablyapartoftheiridentity.Whilestudentsaregoingthroughanidentitycrisis，theyarebecomingindependentfromtheirparents,yetareprobablystillverydependentonthem.Thisindependence／dependencestruggleisverymuchapartofthelateradolescencestage.Infact,itmaybeheightenedbytheirchoicetopursueacollegeeducation.Immediatelyaftergraduatingfromhighschool,somegraduateschoosetoentertheworkworld.Asaresultofthischoice，theymaybecomefinanciallyindependentfromtheirparents.ButCollegestudentshavechosentogrowandlearnnewskillsthattakeyearstodevelop,sotheyprobablyneedatleastsomedegreeofdependenceontheirparents.InhisApril1984article“PsychologicalSeparationofLateAdolescentsfromTheirParents”intheJournalofCounselingPsychology.JefferyA,Hoffmanobservedthattherearefourdistinctaspectstopsychologicalseparationfromone’sparents.First,thereisfunctionalindependence，whichinvolvesthecapabilityofindividualstotakecareofpracticalandpersonalaffairs,suchashandlingfinances,choosingtheirownwardrobes,anddeterminingtheirdailyagenda.Second,thereisattitudinalindependence,whichmeansthatindividualslearntoseeandacceptthedifferencebetweentheirownattitudes,values,andbeliefsandthoseoftheirparents.Thethirdprocessofpsychologicalseparationisemotionalindependence.Hoffmandefinesthisprocessas“freedomfromanexcessiveneedforapproval，closeness，togetherness，andemotionalsupportinrelationtothemotherandfather.”Forexample,collegestudentswouldfeelfreetoselectthemajorthattheywanttopursuewithoutfeelingtheymusthaveparentalapproval.Fourthisfreedomfrom“excessiveguilt,anxiety,mistrust,responsibility,inhibition,resentment,andangerinrelationtothemotherandfather．”Collegestudentsneedtostandbackandseewheretheyareintheindependence／dependencestruggle.Probablyoneofthemoststressfulmattersforyoungcollegestudentsisestablishingtheirsexualidentity，whichincludesrelatingtotheoppositesexandprojectingtheirfuturerolesasmenorwomen．Eachmustdefineherorhissexualidentityinafeminineormasculinerole．Theseareexcitingtimesyetfrustratingtimes．Probablynothingcanmakestudentsfeellowerorhigheremotionallythanthewaytheyarerelatingtowhomevertheyarehavingaromanticrelationshipwith．Forexample，whenIwasworkingwithayoungcollegestudent，hebouncedintomyofficeoncewithasmileonhisfaceandexcitementinhisvoice．Theyoungmandeclared，“I'vejusthadthebestdayofmylife!”Hewentontoexplainhowhehadmetanextraordinaryyoungwomanandhowthisrelationshipwasallhehaddreamedaromanticrelationshipshouldbe．Thatsameyoungmancameintomyofficelessthanaweeklater，dragginghisfeetwithadismayed，dejectedlookonhisface．Hesatdowninthesamechair，sigheddeeply，anddeclared，“I'vejusthadtheworstdayofmylife!”Heandtheyoungwomanhadjusthadanargument，andtheirrelationshipwasnolongergoingwell．Thus，thewaystudentsarerelatingtothoseoftheoppositesexhasadefiniteinfluenceontheiremotions。Atthesametime，theseyoungadultsarelearninghowtogiveandreceiveaffectionintheadultworld．Thisaspectofgrowthdealsnotonlywithinteractionwiththeoppositesexbutwithfriendsofbothsexesandallages．Astheygrowandreachyoungadulthood，thewaytheyrelatetootherschanges.Itisatimewhentheyasadultsshouldthinkabouthowtheyrelatetoandshowproperrespectforpeers，howtheyrelatetothechildrenandyoungadolescentsintheirlives，andhowtheyrelatetotheirparentsandshowthemafiection．Forexample，whenIwasagraduatestudentatSouthwesternBaptistTheologicalSeminary，IvisitedmyparentsafterIhadjustfinishedacourseincounseling．DuringthecourseIhadcometorealizethatwhilcmyworldwasexpandingandnewoptionswereopeningforme，myfather，whowasinhissixties，wasseeinghisworldshrinkandhisoptionsnarrow．Duringmyvisithome，myfatherandIhadseveralconversationsinwhichwediscussedthecontentofmycourseandhowitappliedtoourlives．IfoundmyselfseeingmyfatherinadifferentwayandrelatingtohimasafriendwhomIcouldencourage．Iwasconsciouslyencouragingthemanwhoovertheyearshadencouragedme．Iwasrelating