眼神文化 eye contact

Thereisareasonwhyeyesareoftencalled“windowsofthesoul”.Whilewecanchooseourwordsandcontrolcertainfacialexpressions,oureyesneverlie.Theyportrayourthoughts,reflectthelightestshadesofemotions,expressinterest,boredom,surprise,approval,ordisbelief.Withoutwordseverbeingspoken,oureyeshavethepowertoattract,tojudge,tofrightenandtocaress.Youhaveprobablywitnessedyourselfhowoftenaparentcanhushplayfulchildrenjustbygivingthem‘thelook’.Orhowayoungcouplecanflirtwitheachotheracrossthetablewithouteversayingasingleword.人们通常将眼睛称为“心灵的窗户”，这不是没有道理的。尽管我们可以选择话语、控制某些面部表情，但是我们的眼睛绝不会说谎。它们透露了我们的想法，反映了我们情绪中最细微的差别，表达了我们的兴趣、厌倦、惊奇、同意或是不信任。即便不说一句话，我们的眼睛也具有吸引、判断、恐吓和爱抚的能力。你大概亲眼目睹过家长经常只是通过一个“眼神”就让顽皮的孩子安静下来，或者一对年轻的恋人隔桌相望，不说只字片语却互送秋波。Thelanguageofoureyesisoneofthemostpowerfulandeffectivetoolsofnon-verbalcommunication.Andmanytimesoursuccessatajobinterview,duringbusinessnegotiationsoronafirstdatedependsonourabilitytoconveytherightmessageswithoureyes.Thisiswhyitissoimportanttolearnhowtoreadthebodylanguageoftheeyesandinterpretitcorrectly.眼睛所透露的语言是最强有力、有效的非语言交流工具之一。许多时候，我们在求职面试、商业洽谈或者初次约会中的成功，取决于我们用眼睛传达正确信息的能力。这就是为什么学会如何解读眼神、正确理解它是如此重要了。SomeeyeexpressionsKnowledgeinoureyesInwersterncultures,itisnecessarytomaintaineyecontact.Asamatteroffact,aWesternermightconsideralackofeyecontactasalackofinterest.IncountrieslikeSpain,ItalyandGreece,peoplelikestandingclosetoeachotherwhentheyaretalking,soeyecontactismorefrequentandlastslonger.However,inmanyAsiancultures,peopleavoideyecontacttoshowrespect.Theydosowhentheytalkingwithsomeoneinseniorpositionsorwithsomeoneolderthanthemselves.Speakinginpublicisalsoakindoftwo-waycommunication,whichneedseyecontactfrombothsides.Thespeakerwillcertainlyfeelembarrassedwhenheseesthathisaudiencedonotlookathim.Butifhedoesn'tlookathisaudiencenowandthen,hisaudiencealsohastherightnottolistentowhatheissaying.当众发言是双方的交流，需要双方眼神的交流。如果发言的时候听众没有在认真听，演讲者会感到尴尬。但是如果演讲者只是盯着演讲稿，而不与听众有眼神的交流，也无权要求听众会和他形成良好的互动。Togazeintentlymayshowyourattentiveness,butisnotthatnecessary.Thebestwayistolookathimorherasnaturallyasheorshelooksatyou.在聆听他人讲话的时候，盯着讲话的人可能会显示你的专注，但是老是盯着对方，反而会让对方觉得不自然。但如果说话的人在看你，你应该以自然的眼神回应对方。Someofthem,perhapsbecauseofnervousness,liketoburytheirnoseintheirmanuscripttoreadtheirspeechallthetime.当众发言的时候，许多中国人羞于和听众进行眼神的交流，而是一直盯着讲话稿。InChina,whentwostrangersmeetwithinpublic,theusualresponseistobehaveinafriendlyandnaturalmanner,glancingattheotherperson,perhapssaying'hello'andexchangingsmalltalkorremainingsilent.在中国，如果两个陌生人相遇，比如两个人同坐一张桌子吃饭，一般两个人都会相互看一眼，而后或进行简单交流，或各自埋头吃饭。HerearesomeoftheMostImportantEyeExpressionsthatwewitnesseveryday:1.Smilingeyes.Psychologistshavelongnoticedthatasinceresmilestartswithoureyes.Whenwearegenuinelyhappytheskinaroundthecornersofoureyescrinkles,whilea‘sociallypolite’inauthenticsmiletouchesonlyourlips.Haveyoueverbeeninasituationwhenashopassistantsmiledatyou,offeringhelpandyouimmediatelygotthefeelingthattheywerejusttryingtosellyousomething?Well,nowyouknowwhy.Thesmileyouhadbeengivwasnotintheeyes.2.Shyeyes.Peoplewhoavoideyecontactduringaconversationareoftenperceivedasinsincere,deceptiveanduntrustworthy.Practiceshowsthatthisisnotalwaysthecase.Asstrangeasitmayseem,aclearsignthatsomeoneisbeingbeingdishonestisgreatereyecontact,notalackthereof(asaliarknowswearelookingforsignsofdeceptionandpurposelyprolongseyecontact).Whatdoeslittleornoeyecontactmeanthen?Anythingfromshyness,tonervousness,toboredom.3.Blinkingeyes.Psychologistsandbodylanguageexpertshavenoticedthatwhenwearenervousortroubledaboutsomethingourblinkrategoesup.Oftensuchbehaviorisseenwithliars.Although,ittakesmorethanincreasedblinkingratetoaccusesomeoneoflyingasthesamereactionisoftenseenwithpeopleunderstress.4.Calculatingeyes.Eyesthatmovefromsidetosideorlookdownareoftenanindicatorthatapersonisprocessinginformation.Asitturnsout,itismuchharderforustomaintaineyecontact,whilemakingcalculations,becauseinthiscaseourcognitiveenergyisdividedbetweenperceivingoursurroundingsandmakingthecalculations.Thishabitoflookingdownortothesidewhenconsideringtherightwaytoanswercanbackfireatajobinterviewasitisoftenerroneouslyinterpretedasinsincerityandadesiretohidesomething,sobecarefulnottoglanceawaytoomuchwhentalking!5.Squintingeyes.Squintingornarrowingtheeyeorbitsindicateswithgreataccuracydiscomfort,stress,evaluationandevenanger.Ifyougetsquintedeyeexpressionrightafteryousaysomething,itcouldprobablymeanthatthepersondoubtsyourwords,disagreeswithyouordoesnotfullygettheirmeaning.Therefore,ithelpstoclarifywhatisbotheringyourinterlocutorbeforeasmallmisconceptionturnsintoaheatedargument。6.Glowingeyes.闪耀的眼神。Theysaythatwhensomeoneishappy,theireyesglow,whilewhenthepersonissadordepressedtheglowof“light”intheeyestendstofadfromsight.Well,thisisnotjustourperception.Thereissubstantialresearchindicatingthatwhenourmoodchanges,theglowintheeyeschangesaswell.Howtomakeyoureyesglowwithhappinessandjoy?Unfortunately,thereisnootherwaythentobecomehappierandlearningtoappreciatethesmallpleasuresthatlifegivesusdaily!