How to polish your composition

HowtopolishyourcompositionGuangzhouNo.1HighSchoolDengYalingComposition1DearJim,I’mverygladtohearfromyouandI’mverygladtoseeyouinourcityinSeptember.IknowyouwillstudyinXinXinChineseschool,soIhavealreadyfoundacomfortablehousenearthisschoolforyou.Infrontofthehouse,thereisabusstationandtheNo.11buswilltakeyoutotheschoolwhereyouwillstudy.Inthehouse,youwillfeelverycomfortable.Inthebiggestroom,thereisabed,asofa,adeskandsoon.Thehousealsohasatoiletandakitchen.Ithinkyouwillhaveagoodtimeinit.Atlast,thehouseisnottoobigandtherentis500permonth.Iwillwaitforyouinthecity.CompositionⅡDearJim,HowgladIwaswhenIheardthatyouwouldcometoXinXinChineseschooltostudyChinese.Ihavefoundahouse,whichyouhavementionedinyourlastletter.Aswasexpected,it’sneartheschoolwhereyou’llstudy.Asamatteroffact,it’sbythesideoftheroadwhereliestheNo.11busstopandtheschoolisatthenextstop.Letmetellyousomethingindetailsaboutthehouse.Foronething,it’slargeenoughforasinglepersonlikeyoutolivein.Foranother,it’swell-equipped.Besidesasofa,thereisadeskwithachairandabed,thereisalsoawashroomandakitchen.It’s25squaremeterswiththerentonly500yuaneachmonth.StepOne.Usesomemoreconjunctionsandadverbialphrasestoconnectyoursentencesandmakeyourcompositionsvivid.1.Expressyouropinion个人观点inmyopinion,asyoucansee,inshort,inaword,onthewhole,totellthetruth,tobehonest,judgingfrom,asfarasIamconcerned,2.Explanation解释，说明thatistosay,orrather,inotherwords,accordingto,infact,asamatteroffact,exactlyspeaking3.Timeandorder时间，顺序Foronething,foranother;ononehand,ontheotherhand;first,second,then,intheend,finally,atlast4.递进，强调Besides，inaddition,what’smore,worsestill,tomakethingsworse,whatisworse,aboveall,indeed,moreover,atthesametime,meanwhile5.并列，选择Both…and,aswellas,neither…nor,either…or,notonly…butalso6.转折，对比however，inspiteof,otherwise,while,but,although,though,nevertheless,insteadof,onthecontrary,comparedto/with7.因果therefore,asaresult,because,becauseof,onaccountof,forthesakeof,thus,owingto,dueto,thanksto８.举例forinstance,forexample,take…forexample,asfollowsExercises:Fillintheblankswithproperwords:1.Tomwaslateforclassthatmorning.____________________________,hehadforgottentodohishomeworkthedaybefore.2.Ireallywanttogiveupmyjobhere.___________________________,thejobisofnointerest,_____________________________,Thebossishardtogetalongwith.3,IliketowatchAmericanmovies,__________mysisterpreferstoplaygamesorchatonline.4.Hewascaughtinthestorm.____________________hehadabadcold.5.Hisfatherhadwantedhertoworkinabigcity._____________shewenttoteachinasmallmountainvillage.Whatwasworse/worsestillOnonehand;/ForonethingOntheotherhand;/ForanotherwhileTherefore/Asaresult,HoweverFinishthepassagewithproperwords.Ididsomuchwork_______gotsolittlemoneyeveryday._________________,somecustomersweredifficulttodealwith.____________________________Ifeltverytired.___________,Ihavelearnedthevalueofmoneyandhowtogetalongwithothers.butWorsestillSo/Totellthetruth/TobehonestHowever______________________,Ihavealsogotsomeworkingandsocialexperience,__________isgoodpreparationformyfuture._________________,Iamnolonger______Iusedtobe.Ithinktakingparttimejobsduringholidaysisgoodforusstudents.whichAtpresent/NowwhatAtthesametime/MeanwhileSteptwo:Usedifferentkindsofcomplexstructures.1.Prepositionalphrase:Ourcountryisabeautifulcountryandithasalonghistory.Ourcountryisabeautifulcountrywithalonghistory.2.V-ingform:WhenIsawthis,Ijumpedwithjoy.Seeingthis,Ijumpedwithjoy.3.Inversion:YoucanlearntowriteEnglishwellonlyinthisway.OnlyinthiswaycanyoulearntowriteEnglishwell.4.SubjectClause:Thelittlegirlknowssomanythings.Heissurprised.Thatthelittlegirlknowssomanythingssurprisedhim.Itissurprisingthatthelittlegirlknowssomanythings.5.ed-form:Shewalkedoutofthelabandmanystudentsfollowedher.Shewalkedoutofthelabfollowedbymanystudents.6.“if/aslongas”clauseIfIhavemoney,Iwillbuyabighouse.=IwillbuyabighouseifIhavemoney.（这是个初二水平的句子，也是大多数同学在英语作文时能写出来的。这种平凡的句子，怎么能够抓住高考阅卷老师的心呢？Iwill,ifIhavemoney,buyabighouse.（这就是高水平的句子；是让高考阅卷老师眼睛一亮的句子；是绝大多数同学写不出来的；这就是满分作文的句子风格。改写为：模仿：如果/只要你们没事闲逛，永远也成不了好学生。Youwill,if/aslongasyouwalkaboutwithoutanythingtodo,neverbegoodstudents.7.Attributiveclause:Ispoketothewomanjustnow.Shecanspeakseveralforeignlanguages.Ispoketothewomanjustnowwhocanspeakseveralforeignlanguages.Exercises:Maketheunderlinedpartsmorebriefusingv-ing,v-ed,infinitiveorinversion.1.Doyouknowtheboywhoiscarryingabookinhishand?Doyouknowtheboywithabookinhishand/carryingabookinhishand?2.Anaccidenthappenedthatmorningandleftthecarseriouslydamaged.Anaccidenthappenedthatmorningleavingthecarseriouslydamaged.3.Ihurriedtothestationandwasonlytoldthatthetrainhadleftfiveminutesbefore.Ihurriedtothestationonlytobetoldthatthetrainhadleftfiveminutesbefore.4.We’llmostlystayathomeintheeveningandwatchTV,playgamesandmeetpeople.We’llmostlystayathomeintheevening,watchingTV,playinggamesandmeetingpeople.5.Whensheheardhehaddied,shewentpalewithsorrow.Onhearinghisdeath/Atthenewsofhisdeath,shewentpalewithsorrow.6.AlthoughJohnworkedveryhard,hegot61inthetest.HardasJohnworked,hegot61inthetest.HomeworkFillintheblankswithproperword