Why-thinking-youre-ugly-is-bad-for-you

Thisismyniece,Stella.She'sjustturnedoneandstartedtowalk.Andshe'swalkinginthatreallycoolwaythatone-year-oldsdo,akindofteetering,my-body's-moving-too-fast-for-my-legskindofway.Itisabsolutelygorgeous.Andoneofherfavoritethingstodoatthemomentistostareatherselfinthemirror.Sheabsolutelylovesherreflection.Shegigglesandsqueals,andgivesherselfthesebig,wetkisses.Itisbeautiful.Apparently,allofherfriendsdothisandmymomtellsmethatIusedtodothis,anditgotmethinking:WhendidIstopdoingthis?Whenisitsuddenlynotokaytolovethewaythatwelook?Becauseapparentlywedon't.Tenthousandpeopleeverymonthgoogle,AmIugly?ThisisFaye.Fayeis13andshelivesinDenver.Andlikeanyteenager,shejustwantstobelikedandtofitin.It'sSundaynight.She'sgettingreadyfortheweekaheadatschool.Andshe'sslightlydreadingit,andshe'sabitconfusedbecausedespitehermomtellingherallthetimethatshe'sbeautiful,everydayatschool,someonetellsherthatshe'sugly.Becauseofthedifferencebetweenwhathermomtellsherandwhatherfriendsatschool,orherpeersatschoolaretellingher,shedoesn'tknowwhotobelieve.So,shetakesavideoofherself.ShepostsittoYouTubeandsheaskspeopletopleaseleaveacomment:AmIprettyoramIugly?Well,sofar,Fayehasreceivedover13,000comments.Someofthemaresonasty,theydon'tbearthinkingabout.Thisisanaverage,healthy-lookingteenagegirlreceivingthisfeedbackatoneofthemostemotionallyvulnerabletimesinherlife.Thousandsofpeoplearepostingvideoslikethis,mostlyteenagegirls,reachingoutinthisway.Butwhat'sleadingthemtodothis?Well,today'steenagersarerarelyalone.They'reunderpressuretobeonlineandavailableatalltimes,talking,messaging,liking,commenting,sharing,posting—itneverends.Neverbeforehavewebeensoconnected,socontinuously,soinstantaneously,soyoung.Andasonemomtoldme,it'slikethere'sapartyintheirbedroomeverynight.There'ssimplynoprivacy.Andthesocialpressuresthatgoalongwiththatarerelentless.Thisalways-onenvironmentistrainingourkidstovaluethemselvesbasedonthenumberoflikestheygetandthetypesofcommentsthattheyreceive.There'snoseparationbetweenonlineandofflinelife.What'srealorwhatisn'tisreallyhardtotellthedifferencebetween.Andit'salsoreallyhardtotellthedifferencebetweenwhat'sauthenticandwhat'sdigitallymanipulated.What'sahighlightinsomeone'slifeversuswhat'snormalinthecontextofeveryday.Andwherearetheylookingtoforinspiration?Well,youcanseethekindsofimagesthatarecoveringthenewsfeedsofgirlstoday.Sizezeromodelsstilldominateourcatwalks.Airbrushingisnowroutine.Andtrendslike#thinspiration,#thighgap,#bikinibridgeand#proana.Forthosewhodon'tknow,#proanameanspro-anorexia.Thesetrendsareteamedwiththestereotypingandflagrantobjectificationofwomenintoday'spopularculture.Itisnothardtoseewhatgirlsarebenchmarkingthemselvesagainst.Butboysarenotimmunetothiseither.Aspiringtothechiseledjawlinesandrippedsixpacksofsuperhero-likesportsstarsandplayboymusicartsits.But,what'stheproblemwithallofthis?Well,surelywewantourkidstogrowupashealthy,wellbalancedindividuals.Butinanimage-obsessedculture,wearetrainingourkidstospendmoretimeandmentaleffortontheirappearanceattheexpenseofalloftheotheraspectsoftheiridentities.So,thingsliketheirrelationships,thedevelopmentoftheirphysicalabilities,andtheirstudiesandsoonbegintosuffer.Sixoutof10girlsarenowchoosingnottodosomethingbecausetheydon'tthinktheylookgoodenough.Thesearenottrivialactivities.Thesearefundamentalactivitiestotheirdevelopmentashumansandascontributorstosocietyandtotheworkforce.Thirty-onepercent,nearlyoneinthreeteenagers,arewithdrawingfromclassroomdebate.They'refailingtoengageinclassroomdebatebecausetheydon'twanttodrawattentiontothewaythattheylook.Oneinfivearenotshowinguptoclassatallondayswhentheydon'tfeelgoodaboutit.Andwhenitcomestoexams,ifyoudon'tthinkyoulookgoodenough,specificallyifyoudon'tthinkyouarethinenough,youwillscorealowergradepointaveragethanyourpeerswhoarenotconcernedwiththis.AndthisisconsistentacrossFinland,theU.S.andChina,andistrueregardlessofhowmuchyouactuallyweigh.Sotobesuperclear,we'retalkingaboutthewayyouthinkyoulook,nothowyouactuallylook.Lowbodyconfidenceisunderminingacademicachievement.Butit'salsodamaginghealth.Teenagerswithlowbodyconfidencedolessphysicalactivity,eatlessfruitsandvegetables,partakeinmoreunhealthyweightcontrolpracticesthatcanleadtoeatingdisorders.Theyhavelowerself-esteem.They'remoreeasilyinfluencedbypeoplearoundthemandthey'reatgreaterriskofdepression.Andwethinkit'sforallofthesereasonsthattheytakemoreriskswiththingslikealcoholanddruguse;crashdieting;cosmeticsurgery;unprotected,earliersex;andself-harm.Thepursuitoftheperfectbodyisputtingpressureonourhealthcaresystems6:35andcostingourgovernmentsbillionsofdollarseveryyear.Andwedon'tgrowoutofit.Womenwhothinkthey'reoverweight—again,regardlessofwhethertheyareorarenot—havehigherratesofabsenteeism.Seventeenpercentofwomenwouldnotshowuptoajobinterviewonadaywhentheyweren'tfeelingconfidentaboutthewaythattheylook.Haveathinkaboutwhatthisisdoingtooureconomy.Ifwecouldovercomethis,whatthatopportunitylookslike.Unlockingthispotentialisintheinterest7:12ofeverysingleoneofus.Buthowdowedothat?Well,talking,onitsown,onlygetsyousofar.It'snotenoughbyitself.I