A-Conversational-Ballgames

AConversationalBallgamesByNancyMastersonSakamotoAfterIwasmarriedandhadlivednJapanforawhile,myJapanesegraduallyimprovedtothepointwhereIcouldtakepartinsimpleConversationswithmyhusband,hisfriends,andfamily.AndIbegantonoticethatoften,whenIjoinedin,theotherswouldlookstartled,andtheconversationwouldcometoahalt.Afterthishappenedseveraltimes,itbecamecleartomethatIwasdoingsomethingwrong.Butforalongtime,Ididn’tknowwhatitwas.Finally,afterlisteningcarefullytomanyJapaneseconversations,Idiscoveredwhatmyproblemwas.EventhoughIwasspeakingJapanese,IwashandlingtheconversationinaWesternway.Japanese-styleconversationsdevelopquitedifferentlyfromwestern-styleconversations.Andthedifferenceisn’tonlyinthelanguages.IrealizedthatjustasIkepttryingtoholdwestern-styleconversationsevenwhenIwasspeakingJapanese,soweremyEnglishstudentstryingtoholdJapanese-styleconversationsevenwhentheywerespeakingEnglish.Wewereunconsciouslyplayingentirelydifferentconversationalballgames.Awestern-styleconversationbetweentwopeopleislikeagameoftennis.IfIintroduceatopic,aconversationalball,Iexpectyoutohititback.Ifyouagreewithme,Idon’texpectyousimplytoagreeanddonothingmore.Iexpectyoutoaddsomething–areasonforagreeing,anotherexample,oraremarktocarrytheideafurther.ButIdon’texpectyoualwaystoagree.Iamjustashappyifyouquestionme,orchallengeme,orcompletelydisagreewithme.Whetheryouagreeordisagree,yourresponsewillreturntheballtome.Andthenitismyturnagain.Idon’tserveanewballfrommyoriginalstartingline.Ihityourballbackagainfromwhereithasbounced.Icarryyourideafurther,oransweryourquestionsorobjections,orchallengeorquestionyou.Andsotheballgoesbackandforth.Iftherearemorethantwopeopleintheconversation,thenitislikedoublesintennis,orlikevolleyball.There’snowaitinginline.Whoeverisnearestandquickesthitstheball,andifyoustepback,someoneelsewillhitit.Noonestopsthegametogiveyouaturn.You’reresponsiblefortakingyourownturnandnoonepersonhastheballforverylong.AJapanese-styleconversation,however,isnotatallliketennisorvolleyball,it’slikebowling.Youwaitforyourturn,andyoualwaysknowyourplaceinline.Itdependsonsuchthingsaswhetheryouareolderoryounger,aclosefriendorarelativestrangertothepreviousspeaker,inaseniororjuniorposition,andsoon.Thefirstthingistowaitforyourturn,patientlyandpolitely.Whenyourmomentcomes,youstepuptothestartinglinewithyourbowlingball,andcarefullybowlit.Everyoneelsestandsback,makingsoundsofpoliteencouragement.Everyonewaitsuntilyourballhasreachedtheendofthelane,andwatchestoseeifitknocksdownallthepins,oronlysomeofthem,ornoneofthem.Thenthereisapause,whileeveryoneregistersyourscore.Then,aftereveryoneissurethatyouaredone,thenextpersoninlinestepsuptothesamestartlingline,withadifferentball.Hedoesn’treturnyourball.Thereisnobackandforthatall.Andthereisalwaysasuitablepausebetweenturns.Thereisnorush,noimpatience.NowondereveryonelookedstartledwhenItookpartinJapaneseconversations.Ipaidnoattentiontowhoseturnitwas,andkeptsnatchingtheballhalfwaydownthealleyandthrowingitbackatthebowler.Ofcoursetheconversationfellapart,Iwasplayingthewronggame.Thisexplainswhyitcanbesodifficulttogetawestern-stylediscussiongoingwithJapanesestudentsofEnglish.WheneverIserveavolleyball,everyonejuststandsbackandwatchesitfall.Noonehitsitback.EveryonewaitsuntilIcallonsomeonetotakeaturn.Andwhenthatpersonspeaks,hedoesn’thitmyballback.Heservesanewball.Again,everyonejustwatchesitfall.SoIcallonsomeoneelse.Thispersondoesnotrefertowhatthepreviousspeakerhassaid.Healsoservesanewball.Everyonebeginsagainfromthesamestartingline,andalltheballsrunparallel.Thereisneveranybackandforth.Nowthatyouknowaboutthedifferenceintheconversationalballgames,youmaythinkthatallyourtroublesareover.Butifyouhavebeentrainedallyourlifetoplayonegame,itisnosimplemattertoswitchtoanother,evenifyouknowtherules.Tennis,afterall,isdifferentfrombowling.