74English Jokes

Readyforsomejokes^^?~AlphabetandWordjokes~A:BQ:Whatletterofthealphabetisaninsect?A:IQ:Whatletterisapartofthehead?A:TQ:Whatletterisadrink?A:CQ:Whatletterisabodyofwater?A:AnenvelopeQ:WhatstartswithE,endswithEandonlyhasoneletter?A:WetQ:IfyoudropawhitehatintotheRedSea,whatdoesitbecome?A:AblackboardQ:Whatiswhitewhenit'sdirtyandblackwhenit'sclean?A:ApianoQ:Whathasmanykeysbutcan'topenanydoors?Howaboutsomegrammarjokes?:PAWoodenLegMyfriendsaidheknewamanwithawoodenlegnamedSmith.SoIaskedhim,Whatwasthenameofhisotherleg?JohnSaysI'mPrettyA:JohnsaysI'mpretty.AndysaysI'mugly.Whatdoyouthink,Peter?B:Ithinkyouareprettyugly.TensesTheteachersays:Today,we'regoingtotalkaboutthetenses.Now,ifIsayIambeautiful,whichtenseisit?Thestudentsays:Obviouslyit'sthepasttense.AGREEMENT!IamYouareSheisTheyare…Intheclassroom...Teacher:TellmeasentencethatstartswithI.Student:Iis...Teacher:Stop!NeverputisafterI.Alwaysput'am'afterI.Student:OK.Iamtheninthletterofthealphabet.Twistinthetail!(Where'sthepunchline?)@@HomeworkAteacheristalkingtoastudent.Teacher:Didyourfatherhelpyouwithyourhomework?Whatdoyouthinkthestudentsaid?Student:No,hediditallbyhimself.Wherewereyouborn?A:IwasborninCalifornia.B:Whichpart?WhatdoyouthinkAsaid?A:Allofme.CoinsAguysaystohisfriend,GuesshowmanycoinsIhaveinmypocket.Thefriendsays,IfIguessright,willyougivemeoneofthem?Whatdoyouthinkthefirstguysaid?Thefirstguysays,Ifyouguessright,I'llgiveyoubothofthem.$100BillA:Whyareyoulate?B:Therewasamanwholostahundreddollarnote.A:That'snice.Wereyouhelpinghimlookforit?WhatdoyouthinkBsaid?B:No,Iwasstandingonit.GoodNews&BadNewsAmanreceivesaphonecallfromhisdoctor.Thedoctorsays,Ihaveagoodnewsandabadnews.Themansays,OK,givemethegoodnewsfirst.Thedoctorsays,Thegoodnewsis,youhave24hourstolive.Themanreplies,Ohno!Ifthat'sthegoodnews,thenwhat'sthebadnews?Whatisthebadnews?Thedoctorsays,Thebadnewsis,Iforgottocallyouyesterday.Doctor,ithurts!Amangoestothedoctorandsays,Doctor,whereverItouch,ithurts.Thedoctorasks,Whatdoyoumean?Themansays,WhenItouchmyshoulder,itreallyhurts.WhenItouchmyknee-OUCH!WhenItouchmyforehead,itreally,reallyhurts.Thedoctorsays,Iknowwhat'swrongwithyou.''What'swrongwiththeman?Thedoctorsays,''You'vebrokenyourfinger!Canyoustandsomemore?^o^CallMeaTaxiA:Hey,man!Pleasecallmeataxi.B:Yes,sir.Youareataxi.TelephoneAteenagegirlhadbeentalkingonthephoneforabouthalfanhour,andthenshehungup.Wow!saidherfather,Thatwasshort.Youusuallytalkfortwohours.Whathappened?Wrongnumber,repliedthegirl.AnotherDoctorJokeThepatientsays,Doctor,IhaveapaininmyeyewheneverIdrinktea.Thedoctorsays,Takethespoonoutofthemugbeforeyoudrink.FactoryWorkersTwofactoryworkersaretalking.Thewomansays,Icanmakethebossgivemethedayoff.Themanreplies,Andhowwouldyoudothat?Thewomansays,Justwaitandsee.Shethenhangsupside-downfromtheceiling.Thebosscomesinandsays,Whatareyoudoing?Thewomanreplies,I'malightbulb.Thebossthensays,You'vebeenworkingsomuchthatyou'vegonecrazy.Ithinkyouneedtotakethedayoff.Themanfollowsherandgoesaway.Thebosssays,Whereareyougoing?Themansays,I'mgoinghome,too.Ican'tworkinthedark.TheBiggestLieTwoboyswerearguingwhentheteacherenteredtheroom.Theteachersays,Whyareyouarguing?Oneboyanswers,Wefoundahundreddollarnoteanddecidedtogiveittowhoevertellsthebiggestlie.Youshouldbeashamedofyourselves,saidtheteacher,WhenIwasyourageIdidn'tevenknowwhataliewas.Theboysgavetheonehundreddollarstotheteacher.3MiceThreemicewerebeingchasedbyacat.Themicewereatthecorner.Thenoneofthemiceturnedaroundandbarked,Ruff!Ruff!Ruff!Thesurprisedcatranawayscared.Laterwhenthemicetoldtheirmotherwhathappened,shesmiledandsaid,Yousee,itissoimportanttobebilingual!So...learnChineseANDEnglishwell~~~haha~~~