中考英语作文How-to-keep-healthy作文讲评

作文讲评课2010.1.8侯海英十、短文表达（共15分）根据中文大意和英文提示词语，写出意思连贯、符合逻辑、不少于60词的短文。所给的英文提示词语供选用。请不要写出你的校名和姓名。健康对于我们每个人来说都很重要，没有一个健康的身体，就不会学习得很好。但最近班里的同学感冒的特别多，你的健康状况如何？请你谈谈健康对学习的重要性；你自己平时是怎么做的；并为全班同学提出不少于两条的建议。提示词语：health(y),dosomesports,domorningexercises,haveabreak________________________________________先写出要点，再写内容。______________________________________问题1：不审题，完全照搬范文。造成要点不全，不及格的后果。•范文：Howtokeephealthy(怎样保持健康)•We’resobusyeverydaythatwedon’tpaymuchattentiontoourhealth.Butwecan'tstudyorworkwellwithouthealthybody.Iamworriedaboutyou.Ihopeyoucankeephealthy.NowI’dliketogiveyousomesuggestions.•Firstofall,youshouldkeeptakingexerciseseveryday.Itcannotonlybuildupourbodiesbutalsoreducediseases.Itissaidthatwalkingisthebestsportthateverybodycando.Whynotwalktoschoolinsteadoftakingabusifyourhomeisnotfarfromyourschool.It’sgoodforyourhealth.Second,it’salsonecessarytohaveahealthydiet.You’dbettereatmorefruitandvegetablesandlessmeat.Theyaregoodforyourhealth.Youshoulddrinkalotofwaterinsteadofcoke.What’smore,ahealthylifestylecanhelpusgrowuphealthily.Forexample，youshouldgetenoughsleepduringthenight.Havingenoughsleepcanhelpyourbrainworkbetter.Don’tstayuptoolate,it’sbadforourhealth.Finally,besidesthephysicalhealth,wealsoneedfriendship.Youshouldtrytogetalongwellwithpeoplearoundus.Communicatingwellwithotherscanhelpusgrowuphealthily.IhopewhatIsaidcanhelpyou.I’mlookingforwardtoreceivingyourgoodnewssoon..问题二：完全不用例句，整篇都自己写，结果虽没语法错误，但文章平平淡淡，没有亮点句，得不了高分。It’sveryimportantforustohaveahealthybody.Ifwearen’thealthy,wearen’tabletostudywell.Asusual,Ialwaysdosomesports.Forexample:Ioftenplaybasketballandswimthreetimesaweek.AndIoftendomorningexercise.Ithinkyou’dbetterwashyourhandbeforeyoueatsomefood.Whynoteatmorefruitandvegetables,It’sgoodforyourhealth.Atlast,youshouldkeephappyeveryday.Ifyoudothat,Ibelieveyoumustbehealthy.问题三、完全不用例句，整篇都自己写，结果语法错误连篇。如果不缺要点，也只能勉强及格或不及格。It’sveryimportantforustokeephealthy.Ifyouill,younotstudywell.First,weshouddosportseveryday.Suchasplayingbasketball,footballandgoswimming.Ioftenrunningafterschool.Therearealsosomeclassmateseatjunkfoodeveryday.Youshuldeatmorevegetables,fruitsandlessmeet.It’sbadforyouhealthy.Whynotdomorningexerciseinacoldmorning?Itcannotonlymakesyouhotbutalsoit’sgoodforyourhealth.问题四：整篇文章人称混乱，层次不清。Healthisveryimportantforeveryone.NowIhavesomeadviseforyou:Firstofall,weshoulddoexerciseeveryday.Whynotwalktoschoolifyourhomeisnotfarfromschool.Thesciencistsaidthatwalkingisthebestsports.Ioftengoswimmingatweekendwithfriends.•Second,goodlifestyleisalsoimportant.Ioftenwashmyhandbeforeeatingsomething.Remembertobrushyouteethtwiceaday.Itcannotonlykeepyourhealthbutalsomakeyourteethbeautiful.Trytogotobedearlyandgetupearly.Don’tstayuplate,it’sbadforyourhealth.Andyouwon’tstudywell.•Finally,exceptallthese,youshouldhavegoodfriendshipwithyourfriends.Itisalsogoodforyourhealth.•Ifyouhaveahealthybodyyouwillstudywell.Ihopeeveryonewillhaveahealthybody.重要性没跟学习联系起来。问题五：不缺要点，层次清楚，但层与层之间，句与句之间，没有过渡语，意思不连贯、逻辑性不强。进不了一类文。It’sveryimportantforustokeephealthy.wecan'tstudyorworkwellwithouthealthybody.Ikeeptakingexerciseseveryday.Ieatmorefruitandvegetablesandlessmeat.Igetenoughsleepduringthenight.Youshouldwashmyhandbeforeeatingsomething.Whynotwalktoschoolinsteadoftakingabusifyourhomeisnotfarfromyourschool.Trytogotobedearlyandgetupearly.Don’tstayuplate.IhopewhatIsaidcanhelpyou.I’mlookingforwardtoreceivingyourgoodnewssoon.段与段之间，句与句之间，加上过渡句，使文章意思连贯、逻辑合理。It’sveryimportantforustokeephealthy.wecan'tstudyorworkwellwithouthealthybody.Ihaveahealthybody,becauseIkeeptakingexerciseseveryday.Itcannotonlybuildupourbodiesbutalsoreducediseases.Ahealthylifestylecanalsohelpusgrowuphealthily.SoIgetenoughsleepduringthenight.Ineverstayuptoolate,it’sbadforourhealth.AndIcanstudywelleveryday.Ifyouwanttohaveahealthybodylikeme,Icangiveyousomesuggestions.Itissaidthatwalkingisthebestsportthateverybodycando.Whynotwalktoschoolinsteadoftakingabusifyourhomeisnotfarfromyourschool.Second,it’salsonecessarytohaveahealthydiet.You’dbettereatmorefruitandvegetablesandlessmeat.Theyaregoodforyourhealth.What’smore,ahealthylifestylecanhelpusgrowuphealthily,too.IhopewhatIsaidcanhelpyou.Ihopeeveryonewillbehealthy.问题六：字迹。1.字迹乱，划痕较多，字字不踩线。高低错落。2.字迹或太大，显得不紧凑；或太小，太密，看不清，占不满格。3字数太多，显得太罗嗦，出格就看不见了。字数太少，空太多格，会被误认为字数不够，不会得高分。满分作文标准：第一档：（15~13分）•完全符合题目要求，观点正确,要点齐全，立意高。•句式多样，词汇丰富。语言准确，语意连贯，表达清楚，结构合理，具有逻辑性。•卷面书写干净，整洁，无涂抹，字迹大小适中，疏密合适，书写美观。标点，大小写正确。•最好能有一两个亮点句。（主从，定从，表从，谚语）修改自己作文：亮出你的最佳作品。