儿童英文笑话

TellalieMom:Whichbananadoyouwant,Victor?Victor:Iwantthatoneofthegreatest.Mom:Victor,youshouldbepolite,tohavethatlittleone.Victor:Mom,Imustlietobepolite?妈妈：“你要哪一只香蕉，维克多？”维克多：“我要那只最大的。”妈妈：“维克多，你应该懂礼貌，要那只小的。”维克多：“妈妈，难道懂礼貌就必须说谎吗？”IDon'tLikeanArgument我不想争论Gerald,askedtheteacher,whatistheshapeoftheearth?It'sround,answeredGerald.Howdoyouknowit'sround?continuedtheteacher.Allright,it'ssquarethen,hereplied,Ireallydon'tfeellikegettingintoanargumentaboutit!杰拉尔德，老师问：地球是什么形状？是圆形的，杰拉尔德回答道。你怎么知道是圆的？老师又问。好吧，那它是方的，学生回答说：我可不想与你争论这件事情。TwoBirds两只鸟Teacher:Herearetwobirds,oneisaswallow,theotherissparrow.Nowwhocantelluswhichiswhich?Student:IcannotpointoutbutIknowtheanswer.Teacher:Pleasetellus.Student:Theswallowisbesidethesparrowandthesparrowisbesidetheswallow.老师：这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。老师：请说说看。学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。ThreeTurtles三只乌龟Threeturtlesdecidedtohaveacupofcoffee.Justastheygotintothecafe,itstartedtorain.Thebiggestturtlesaidtothesmallestone,Gohomeandgettheumbrella.Thelittleturtlereplied,Iwill,ifyoudon'tdrinkmyoffee.Wewon't,theothertwopromised.Twoyearslaterthebigturtlesaidtothemiddleturtle,Well,Iguessheisn'tcomingback,sowemightaswelldrinkhiscoffee.Justthenavoicecalledfromoutsidethedoor,Ifyoudo,Iwon'tgo.三只乌龟决定去喝咖啡。它们刚到咖啡店的门口，就下起雨来。于是最大的那只乌龟对最小的乌龟说，“回家去取伞吧。”最小的乌龟说，“如果你们不把我的咖啡喝了，我就去。”“我们不喝，”另外两只乌龟答应说。两年后，大乌龟对中乌龟说，“好吧，我猜他肯定不回来了，我们可以把它的咖啡喝掉了。”正在这时，一个声音从门外传来，“你们要是喝了，我就不去。”WhoIstheLaziest谁最懒Father:Well,Tom,Iaskedtoyourteachertoday,andnowIwanttoaskyouaquestion.Whoisthelaziestpersoninyourclass?Tom:Idon'tknow,father.Father:Oh,yes,youdo!Think!Whenotherboysandgirlsaredoingandwriting,whositsintheclassandonlywatcheshowotherpeoplework?Tom:Ourteacher,father.父亲：哎，汤姆，今天我跟你们老师谈过，现在我想问你个问题。你们班上谁最懒？汤姆：我不知道，爸爸。父亲：啊，不对，你知道！想想看，当别的孩子们都在做作业、写字时，谁在课堂上坐着，只是看人家做功课？汤姆：我们老师，爸爸。Buttheteachercried可是老师哭了Thesix-year-oldJohnwasterriblyspoiled（被宠坏的）.Hisfatherknewit,buthisgrandmadotedonhim.Hehardlyleftherside.Andwhenhewantedanything,heeithercriedorthrewatempertantrum（乱发脾气）.Thencamehisfirstdayofschool,hisfirstdayawayfromhisgrandmother'slovingarms.Whenhecamehomefromschoolhisgrandmamethimatthedoor.Wasschoolallright?sheasked,Didyougetalongallright?didyoucry?Cry?Johnasked.No,Ididn'tcry,buttheteacherdid!六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的父亲知道这一点，可他的祖父母仍然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸步不离他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是闹。他第一天上学才离开祖母的怀抱。约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接他并问道：学校怎么样？你过的好吗？哭了没有？哭？约翰问，不，我没哭，可老师哭了。WhoisStupid谁愚蠢Ateacherwastryingtomakeuseofherpsychologycourses.Shestartedherclassbysaying,Everyonewhothinksyou'restupid,standup!LittleJohnnythenstoodup.Theteachersaid,Doyouthinkyou'restupid,Johnny?No,ma'am,butIhatetoseeyoustandingthereallbyyourself!一个老师在对学生们讲心理学，“谁认为自己蠢就站起来？”她一开始就说。小约翰尼站了起来。“你认为你很蠢吗，小约翰尼？”老师问。“不是的，老师，我只是不喜欢看你一个人站着。”LostPurse丢失的钱包Aladylostherhandbag.Itwasfoundbyanhonestlittleboyandreturnedtoher.Lookinginherpurse,shecommented,Hmmm....That'sfunny.WhenIlostmybagtherewasa$20billinit.Nowtherearetwenty$1bills.Theboyquicklyreplied,That'sright,lady.ThelasttimeIfoundalady'spurse,shedidn'thaveanychangeforareward.一个女人丢了手提包，有一个诚实的小孩捡到后交还给了她。她看了看钱包，说：“嗯，这么有趣，我丢的时候里面是一张20美元，现在成了20张一美元。”“没错，夫人。”小男孩立刻回答道，“上次我捡到钱包时，那位夫人没有零钱奖赏给我。”Iknowwhogodis我知道上帝是谁了Aboysaystohermother,Mom,isGodamanorwoman?Themomthinksawhileandsays,Well,son,Godisbothmanandwoman.Thesonisconfused,soheasks,IsGodblackorwhite?Themotherreplies,Godisbothblackandwhite,honey.Theson,stillcurious,saysafterawhile,IsGodgayorstraight,mommy?Themother,gettingalittleworried,answers,Son,Godisbothgayandstraight.Thesonthinksaboutit,andhisfacelightsupwhenhethinkshefinallyhasansweredhisquestion:IsGodMichaelJackson?儿子：妈妈，上帝是白人还是黑人？妈妈：宝贝，上帝是白人也是黑人！儿子：那上帝是男人还是女人？妈妈：宝贝，上帝是男人也是女人！儿子：哦。我知道了，上帝是迈克尔·杰克逊！HisFault他的错Billy:Mother,Bobbybrokeawindow.Mother:Howdidhedoit?Billy:Ithrewarockathimandheducked.比利：妈妈，波比打坏了窗玻璃。妈妈：他怎么打的？比利：我向他扔石头，他躲开了。Likefather,likeson有其父必有其子Son:Papa,what'sthemeaningofLikefather,likeson?Father:Bastard.Whatanotherscandalousthinghaveyoudoneintheschool?儿子：爸爸，“有其父必有其子”是什么意思呀？父亲：狗崽子，你在学校又干什么见不得人的事啦？They'reBusy他们很忙Oneday,thephonerang,andalittleboyanswered.MayIspeaktoyourparents?They'rebusy.Oh.Isanybodyelsethere?Thepolice.CanIspeaktothem?They'rebusy.Oh.Isanybodyelsethere?Thefiremen.CanIspeaktothem?They'rebusy.Soletmegetthisstraight--yourparents,thepolice,andthefiremenarethere,butthey'reallbusy?Whataretheydoing?Lookingforme.电话铃响了，小男孩接了电话。“请你父母听电话好吗？”“他们很忙。”“噢，那家里还有其他人吗？”“还有警察。”“我可以和他们说话吗？”“他们很忙。”“那还有其他人吗？”“还有消防员。”“我可以和他们说话吗？”“他们也很忙。”“请直接告诉我——你的父母、警察和消防员都在你家，但他们都很忙，他们到底在干什么？”“在找我。”Tom'sexcuse汤姆的借口Teacher:Tom,whyareyoulateforschooleveryday?Tom:EverytimeIcometothecorner,asignsays,School-GoSlow.老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到？汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着：学校----慢行。Icannotseeitatall我根本就看不见Aftersupper,theparentswerebusyplayingmah-jongwiththeguests.AtthispointthemotherthoughtofsomethingandsaidtohersonwhowaswatchingTV,Honey,goseeifthekitchenlightisonornot?Afterawhile,hersonreturnedandsaid,Ma,thekitchenissodarkthatIcannotseeitatall.晚饭后，父亲和母亲都忙着和客人玩麻将，这时母亲忽然想起点儿事来，便对正在看电视的儿子说道：“宝贝，去看看厨房里的灯是不是还开着呢？”过了一会儿，儿子回来说：“妈，厨房里太黑了，我根本就看不见。”TheNewTeacher新老师GeorgecomesfromschoolonthefirstofSeptember.George,howdidyoulikeyourne