Don’t Sweat the Small Talk -聊天轻松搞定

Don’tSweattheSmallTalk|聊天轻松搞定“Great,thanks,howareyou?”“Justfine,thankyou...uh,andyou?”Ugh4.Pause.Uncomfortablesilence.Nothingelsetotalkabout!HaveyougottheexperiencewhentalkingespeciallywithforeignersinEnglish?Whyissmalltalksodifficult?Expertssayit’sbecausethelessgregarious5ofusaretooconcernedaboutourowncomfortlevel.Hereare10moretipsfromtheexpertsonhowtoconquersmalltalkandactuallylearntoenjoyit.1.Askquestions.Whentalkingtosomeoneone-on-one,youhaveoneminutetofindouteverythingaboutthem.Youhavetimetotellthemaboutyou.Weimmediatelythinkthatwehavetodoallthetalking.Butlettheotherpersontalk,oryoumayneverhaveachancelaterdowntheroadtotellthemaboutyou.2.Keepitsimple.Themostbasicthingtodoiskeepthingssimple.“Whereareyoufrom?”“Whatareyourplansfortheweekend?”Stayawayfromdifficulttopics.3.Beunclear.Ifyoudon’tknowthepersonwellorhaven’tseentheminawhile,don’tassumetheysharethesamehobbywithyouorsupportthesamemoviestars,etc.Insteadofasking“Don’tyouthinkYaoMing’sperformancelastnightwasreallygreat?”maybeask“DoyoulikeNBA?”first.4.AvoidConflict.Oneofthethingsweoftencomeacross,wherepeoplegetintotrouble,iswhentheyinsistonbeingright.About99percentofthetime,beingrightdoesn’treallymatter.Ifsomeonesaysacarisinaniceshadeofblue,butitdoesn’tlookblue,there’sabsolutelynoreasontoberight.It’sbetternottotakeaposition.Benice.5.Youdon’thavetotellyoursecrets.Ifyou’reaprivateperson,that’sOK.Youcanstillengageinsmalltalkandkeepyourprivatelifejustlikethat.Youhaveaprivatelifeandasociallife,whilesmalltalkdoesn’tmeanthatyou’reopeningupyourpersonallife.6.Focus.It’sOknottotalktoeveryone.Ifyougetagoodconversationgoing,thenrunwithitandbuildthatrelationship.It’smuchmorevaluabletohaveagoodconversationwithonepersoninlimitedtimethantryingtotalkto20or30people.7.Learntolisten.Somepeoplemaynotbethebesttalkersormaybereallyboring.Trytofindsomethingthat’susable.Ifyouwalkawayfromthemwithoutunderstanding,that’sasmuchyourfaultasitwasthespeaker’s.8.Tellastory.Naturally,someoneisgoingtoaskyousomequestions.Don’tjustsay,“Ihadagreatday.”Tellthemastory.Peoplelovestories,beitsomethingthathappenedatschoolorwiththefamily.It’smoreinterestingthanalistoffacts.It’salsoagreatwayforpeopletorememberyou.9.Watchyourbodylanguage.Yourbodylanguagewillbetrayyouifitdoesn’tmatchyourwords.Toomuchmovementcandistractthelistenerfromwhatyouaretryingtosay.Gesturesandmovementsshouldhavemeaning.10.Practice.Ifsomebody’sshyornotquitecomfortablewithsmalltalk,makeitaprojectorpersonalgoaltoimprove.Continuetoexperimentwithyourclassmates,friendsandteachers,etc.Setagoaltoopenup.Dothesesoundfamiliar?Thelowtalker6Youfindyourselfnoddingtonothing.Howtodeal:Speakup.Itwouldberudertostandandtalktosomeonewhoexpectsaresponsefromyou.It’sfarkindertoletthemknowyoucan’tunderstandthem.TheclosetalkerYoucanseetheirteeth—andsmelltheirbreath.Howtodeal:Moveyourbodyandstandwithyourshoulderneartheperson.Thiscreatesabitofdistance.Also,speakup.Ifyouspeaklouder,theotherpersonwillusuallybackup.TheimpropertalkerTheyaretalkingaboutsomeonebehindtheirback.Youdon’twanttotalktothesepeople!Howtodeal:Ifit’sreallyoffensive7,say,“I’msorry,thistopicmakesmeuncomfortable.”Trytopersonalize8itandnotattacktheperson.ThecontinualtalkerThepersonwhowon’tletyougetawordduringthetalk.Howtodeal:Justnodhappilyuntilyoucangetaway.Atleastyougetabreakfromtalkingforawhile.Excusingyourselftotherestroomistheperfectgetaway—unless,theydecidetofollowyouthere.TheinterrupterTheyfinishyoursentencesortrytohavetheadvantageofyoubeforeyou’redonewithyourstory.Howtodeal:Ifit’sapersonyouoftentalkwith,trainthemonhowtotalktoyou.Say,“Justamoment,I’dliketocompletemythought.”ThenotalkerAretheyeventhere?Hello?Thispersonwon’tholduphisorherendoftheconversation.Howtodeal:Inasocialsetting,youdon’tneedtostayandtrytotalktothem.Thepersonmaybesad,orhavingabadday.Justsay,“It’sbeennicetalkingtoyou,”andmoveon.(EnglishVersionfrom21stCentury)“嗨，你好吗？”“很好，谢谢。你好吗？”“还好，谢谢……嗯，你呢？”唉。停顿。不自在的沉默。没别的好说了！你有过这样的经历吗，尤其用英语和老外交谈的时候？为什么闲聊这么难呢？专家们认为这是因为那些不太善于交际的人太注重自我舒适度了。这里还有专家给的10条贴士，告诉你如何攻克闲聊并且乐在其中。1.提问。一对一交谈的时候，你有一分钟去了解对方。你有的是时间告诉别人你的情况。我们立马想到的常常是自己要不停地说，但其实要让对方说话，否则待会儿可能就没机会让别人了解你了。2.简单化。闲聊最基本的要点是谈些简单的事，比如“你是哪里人？”、“周末打算做什么？”，不要涉及复杂的话题。3.模糊化。如果你不太了解对方或者有些时候没碰到他们了，不要以为别人和你有一样的喜好、或喜欢一样的影星之类。可以先问“你喜欢NBA吗？”，不要问“你不觉得姚明昨晚的表现特棒吗？”4.避免冲突。如果双方都坚持自己是对的就会引起纷争，这是我们常常碰到的情况。99%的情况下，谁对谁错其实并不重要。如果有人认为一辆车是漂亮的浅蓝色，可它看起来不是蓝色的，那么就根本没理由争个对错。最好不要坚持一个立场，应该友好相待。5.不必分享你的秘密。如果你注重自己的隐私，很好。你仍然可以聊你的天，守住自己的隐私。你有私人空间和社交生活，闲聊并不意味着你要公开个人生活。6.固定聊友。其实不用和谁都聊。如果和谁聊得来就继续下去并保持联系。在有限的时间里，和一个人聊得来比同时应付二、三十个人有意义得多。7.学会倾听。有的人并不善于聊天或者说的话实在乏味。试着找找可取之处。如果你不去了解就走人，那就不光是他们的错，也是你的错了。8.讲述故事。人们自然要问你一些问题，不要只是说“我今天过得很开心。”给他们讲个故事。人人喜欢听故事，不管是发生在学校还是家里的事。这可比罗列事实有趣得多，也是个让人记住你的好办法哦。9.注意你的身体语言。如果你的肢体语言和话不相符会对你不利。太多动作会分散听者的注意力。手势和动作应该有所指。10.练习。如果你对闲聊感到害羞、不自在，那就把它当成有待提高的一个计划或个人目标吧，坚持和同学、朋友还有老师练习。定个目标，开始行动。听起来像你吗？寡言少语者你发现自己不知别人在说什么。应对：说出来。交谈时站在那儿，无视别人对你的回应期待，这种行为更无礼。让他们知道你没听懂要好得多。过分靠近者你可以看到他们的牙齿，闻到他们的气息。应对：转一下身体，让你的手臂向着对方，这样可以制造一点距离。还有，提高嗓门。放大声音，对方一般就会退后了。背后议论者他们在背后议论别人，你不想和这种人搭话！应对：如果实在觉得烦，就说：“对不起，这个话题让我感觉不舒服。”尽量让别人觉得是你个人感觉，不要攻击对方。滔滔不绝者这种人聊天时不给别人讲话的机会。应对：愉快地点头赞同，一有机会就开溜。至少谈