英语故事

精编WORD文档下载可编缉打印下载文档，远离加班熬夜英语故事篇一：英语幽默小故事6篇1、Gooduseofcry哭的妙用Theparentswiththeirthree-year-oldsonwenttoseefilm.Whentheywalkedintothecinema,theattendantsaidtothem,“you’llhavetogooutifyoursoncries.Butwe’llrefundyouthetickets.”Abouthalfanhourlater,thehusbandaskedhiswife,“Whatdoyouthinkofthefilm?”“I’veneverseensuchaboringfilm.”Hiswifeanswered.“It’snotworthseeing.”“Idon’tthinkmuchofit,either.”Thehusbandsaid.“Wakethechildupandlethimcry.”一对夫妇带着他们3岁的儿子去看电影。进电影院时，服务员对他们说：“如果你们的儿子哭了，你们就得出去。不过我们会给你们退票的。”大约半个小时以后，丈夫对妻子说：“你觉得这电影怎么样？”“我从没看过这么没劲的电影。”妻子精编WORD文档下载可编缉打印下载文档，远离加班熬夜回答说，“真不值得看。”“我也不喜欢看。”丈夫说：“叫醒孩子，让他哭。”2、WhataSmartWife家有笨妻Anewlymarriedwomanwassittingonachair,lookingvexed,whenherhusbandcamehome.What'sup?Whydoyoulooksotroubled?thehusbandasked.Thewomanreplied,I'msosorry.Iwasironingyournewsuitandburnedaholeinyourtrousers.Andthemansaid,That'sallright.Ihaveanotherpairthatisexactlythesame.ThankGodyoudo.Iusedittomendthispair,thewiferesponded.有一个刚结婚的太太，坐在椅子那边，看起来很懊恼，她先生回家看到她这个样子，就问：‘嗨，你怎么啦？为什么看起来这么懊恼呢？’太太说：‘很抱歉，你那件新做的西装裤被我烫坏了，烫成一个洞了。’他先生说：‘啊！那个没关系啦！我还有另外一件一样的裤子。’她说：‘是啊，还好我把那件新的拿出来补那件被我烫坏的。’3、Endearingterms英语幽默故事:可爱的称呼Berniewasinvitedtohisfriend'shomefordinner.精编WORD文档下载可编缉打印下载文档，远离加班熬夜Morris,thehost,precededeveryrequesttohiswifebyendearingterms,callingherHoney,MyLove,Darling,Sweetheart,etc.BernielookedatMorrisandremarked,Thatisreallynice,thatafteralltheseyearsthatyouhavebeenmarried,andyoukeepcallingyourwifethosepetnames.Morrishunghisheadandwhispered,Totellthetruth,Iforgothernamethreeyearsago.Bernie应邀来到他的朋友Morris家吃晚餐。在朋友家，Bernie发现，不管问他老婆什么问题，Morris总要在每句话的前面加上一些亲密的称呼，象蜜糖，我的爱人，亲爱的，甜心等等。Bernie对Morris说，“你们夫妻俩真够亲密的，结婚这么多年了，你还叫她叫得那么亲密。”Morris低下头，小声地对Bernie说，“老实跟你说吧，三年前我忘记老婆的真名是什么了。”4、Areyouanormalperson？你是正常人吗？Duringavisittothementalasylum,avisitoraskedthedirector...,Whatisthecriterionthatdefinesapatienttobeinstitutionalized?Well...saidthedirector,wefillupabathtub,andweofferateaspoon,ateacup,andabuckettothepatientandaskhimtoemptythebathtub.Oh,Iunderstand,saidthevisitor.Anormalpersonwouldchoosethebucketasitislargerthan精编WORD文档下载可编缉打印下载文档，远离加班熬夜thespoonortheteacup.Noooooooo!answeredthedirector.Anormalpersonwouldpulltheplug.参观一所精神病院的时候一个参观者问院长，“你们是用什么标准来决定一个人是否应该被关进精神病院呢？”“呃??”院长说，“是这样，我们先给一个浴缸放满水，然后我们给病人一个调茶匙，一个茶杯和一个水桶去把浴缸里面的水放清。”“噢，我明白了”，参观者说。“一个正常人会选择水桶，因为水桶比茶匙，茶杯的体积大。”“错了”，“院长回答”“正常人会把浴缸塞子拔掉”。5、英文幽默老虎来了Twoguyswerewalkingthroughthejungle.Allofasudden,atigerappearsfromadistance,runningtowardsthem.OneoftheguystakesoutapairofNikesfromhisbagandstartstoputthemon.Theotherguywithasurprisedlookandexclaims,Doyouthinkyouwillrunfasterthanthetigerwiththose?Hisfriendreplies:Idon'thavetooutrunit,Ijusthavetorunfasterthanyou.两个男人正在穿过丛林，突然，一只老虎出现在远处，向他们冲来。其中的一个人从包里拿出一双“耐克”鞋，开始穿上。另一精编WORD文档下载可编缉打印下载文档，远离加班熬夜个人惊奇地看着他说，“你以为穿上这个就可以跑得过老虎吗？”他的朋友回答道：“我不用跑得过它，我只要跑得比你快就行了。”6、Another40Yearstolive再活40年Amiddleagedwomanhadaheartattackandwastakentothehospital.Whileontheoperatingtableshehadaneardeathexperience.SeeingGod,sheaskedifthiswasit.Godsaid,Noyouhaveanother43years,2months,and8daystolive.Uponrecoverythewomandecidedtostayinthehospitalandhaveafacelift,lip-suction,breastaugmentation,tummytuck,etc.Sheevenhadsomeonecomeinandchangeherhaircolor,figuringsinceshehadsomuchmoretimetolive,shemightaswellmakethemostofit.Shegotoutofthehospitalafterthelastoperationandwhilecrossingthestreetwaskilledbyanambulancespeedingtothehospital.ArrivinginfrontofGod,shedemanded,IthoughtyousaidIhadanother40Years?Godreplied,Ididn'trecognizeyou.一名中年妇女心脏病突发被送到了医院，在手术台上，濒临死亡之际，她看到了上帝，于是，她问上帝是不是她的日精编WORD文档下载可编缉打印下载文档，远离加班熬夜子到头了。上帝回答说，“还没有，你还能活43年，2个月零8天。”身体快要康复的时候，这名女士想到自己还要活那么多年，得好好对待自己，于是决定先不出院，而是去给自己整整容，吸吸脂，隆隆胸，然后还做了一个腹部拉皮和其它一些美容美体手术。她甚至还请人到医院里面帮她头发给染了。做完最后一个手术，这位女士出院了，但就在过马路的时候，她被一辆风驰电挚赶回医院的救护车给撞死了。再一次，她又站到了上帝的面前，她大惑不解地问上帝，“我记得你说我还能再活40年？”上帝回答，“那个时候我没认出你来”。篇二：英语故事英语故事Samhadadog.ItsnamewasTod.Itwasveryhelpful,butitatetoomuch..Sohedidn'tlikeit.HewantedtokillTod.HetiedTodinabagandputitinthesmallboat.Herowedtheboattothemiddleofabigriver.Justashethrewthepooranimalintotheriver,theboatbegantosink.BothbeganSamandTodfellintotheriver.Todwasabletoswim,butSamcouldn't.Thedogbittheropeandbrokeit.IttrieditsbesttoswimtosaveSam.Themanwassaved,sohewasverythankfultothedog.Hedidn'twanttokillthedoganymore.Fromthenon,精编WORD文档下载可编缉打印下载文档，远离加班熬夜hegavethedogasmuchfoodasitwanted.译文萨姆有一只狗。他的名字叫Tod。它很有用，但是它食量很大。所以萨姆不喜欢他。萨姆想杀Tod。萨姆把Tod绑在一个袋子里，把它带上船。他把船划到一条大河的中央。就在他把这可怜的动物扔下河的时候，船开始下沉，萨姆和Tod都掉进河里面了。Tod会游泳，但是萨姆不会。狗把绳子咬断。它经过试验这是游泳去救萨姆就好的方法。萨姆获救了，所以萨姆很感激Tod。他一点也不想杀它了。从那以后，小狗想要多少粮食萨姆给多少。经典英语幽默故事（适合初中生做课外阅读）SpeedLimitTheBritishRAFbasewhereIwasstationedaspartofacontingentofUSAFpersonnelhadonenarrowroadwindingthroughthecrowdedresidentialarea.Afterarashofminorvehiclepedestrianaccidents,theUSAFcommanderdecidedtoreducethespeedlimittothreem.p.h.Shortlyafterthenewlimitwasposted,anMPsergeantissuedaspeedingcitationtoajeepdriverforgoingfivem.p.h.IwascurioustoknowhowtheMPhaddeterminedthejeep'sspeedsoexactly.Iwasjoggingtoget精编WORD文档下载可编缉打印下载文档，远离加班熬夜tothePXbeforeitclosed,heexplained,andasIpas