Harrison-Bergeron

HARRISONBERGERONbyKurtVonnegut,Jr.THEYEARWAS2081,andeverybodywasfinallyequal.Theyweren'tonlyequalbeforeGodandthelaw.Theywereequaleverywhichway.Nobodywassmarterthananybodyelse.Nobodywasbetterlookingthananybodyelse.Nobodywasstrongerorquickerthananybodyelse.Allthisequalitywasduetothe211th,212th,and213thAmendmentstotheConstitution,andtotheunceasingvigilanceofagentsoftheUnitedStatesHandicapperGeneral.Somethingsaboutlivingstillweren'tquiteright,though.Aprilforinstance,stilldrovepeoplecrazybynotbeingspringtime.AnditwasinthatclammymonththattheH-GmentookGeorgeandHazelBergeron'sfourteen-year-oldson,Harrison,away.Itwastragic,allright,butGeorgeandHazelcouldn'tthinkaboutitveryhard.Hazelhadaperfectlyaverageintelligence,whichmeantshecouldn'tthinkaboutanythingexceptinshortbursts.AndGeorge,whilehisintelligencewaswayabovenormal,hadalittlementalhandicapradioinhisear.Hewasrequiredbylawtowearitatalltimes.Itwastunedtoagovernmenttransmitter.Everytwentysecondsorso,thetransmitterwouldsendoutsomesharpnoisetokeeppeoplelikeGeorgefromtakingunfairadvantageoftheirbrains.GeorgeandHazelwerewatchingtelevision.ThereweretearsonHazel'scheeks,butshe'dforgottenforthemomentwhattheywereabout.Onthetelevisionscreenwereballerinas.AbuzzersoundedinGeorge'shead.Histhoughtsfledinpanic,likebanditsfromaburglaralarm.Thatwasarealprettydance,thatdancetheyjustdid,saidHazel.HuhsaidGeorge.Thatdance-itwasnice,saidHazel.Yup,saidGeorge.Hetriedtothinkalittleabouttheballerinas.Theyweren'treallyverygood-nobetterthananybodyelsewouldhavebeen,anyway.Theywereburdenedwithsashweightsandbagsofbirdshot,andtheirfacesweremasked,sothatnoone,seeingafreeandgracefulgestureoraprettyface,wouldfeellikesomethingthecatdrugin.Georgewastoyingwiththevaguenotionthatmaybedancersshouldn'tbehandicapped.Buthedidn'tgetveryfarwithitbeforeanothernoiseinhisearradioscatteredhisthoughts.Georgewinced.Sodidtwooutoftheeightballerinas.Hazelsawhimwince.Havingnomentalhandicapherself,shehadtoaskGeorgewhatthelatestsoundhadbeen.Soundedlikesomebodyhittingamilkbottlewithaballpeenhammer,saidGeorge.I'dthinkitwouldberealinteresting,hearingallthedifferentsounds,saidHazelalittleenvious.Allthethingstheythinkup.Um,saidGeorge.Only,ifIwasHandicapperGeneral,youknowwhatIwoulddo?saidHazel.Hazel,asamatteroffact,boreastrongresemblancetotheHandicapperGeneral,awomannamedDianaMoonGlampers.IfIwasDianaMoonGlampers,saidHazel,I'dhavechimesonSunday-justchimes.Kindofinhonorofreligion.Icouldthink,ifitwasjustchimes,saidGeorge.Well-maybemake'emrealloud,saidHazel.IthinkI'dmakeagoodHandicapperGeneral.Goodasanybodyelse,saidGeorge.WhoknowsbetterthanIdowhatnormalis?saidHazel.Right,saidGeorge.Hebegantothinkglimmeringlyabouthisabnormalsonwhowasnowinjail,aboutHarrison,butatwenty-one-gunsaluteinhisheadstoppedthat.Boy!saidHazel,thatwasadoozy,wasn'tit?ItwassuchadoozythatGeorgewaswhiteandtrembling,andtearsstoodontherimsofhisredeyes.Twoofoftheeightballerinashadcollapsedtothestudiofloor,wereholdingtheirtemples.Allofasuddenyoulooksotired,saidHazel.Whydon'tyoustretchoutonthesofa,so'syoucanrestyourhandicapbagonthepillows,honeybunch.Shewasreferringtotheforty-sevenpoundsofbirdshotinacanvasbag,whichwaspadlockedaroundGeorge'sneck.Goonandrestthebagforalittlewhile,shesaid.Idon'tcareifyou'renotequaltomeforawhile.Georgeweighedthebagwithhishands.Idon'tmindit,hesaid.Idon'tnoticeitanymore.It'sjustapartofme.Youbeensotiredlately-kindofworeout,saidHazel.Iftherewasjustsomewaywecouldmakealittleholeinthebottomofthebag,andjusttakeoutafewofthemleadballs.Justafew.TwoyearsinprisonandtwothousanddollarsfineforeveryballItookout,saidGeorge.Idon'tcallthatabargain.Ifyoucouldjusttakeafewoutwhenyoucamehomefromwork,saidHazel.Imean-youdon'tcompetewithanybodyaroundhere.Youjustsitaround.IfItriedtogetawaywithit,saidGeorge,thenotherpeople'dgetawaywithit-andprettysoonwe'dberightbacktothedarkagesagain,witheverybodycompetingagainsteverybodyelse.Youwouldn'tlikethat,wouldyou?I'dhateit,saidHazel.Thereyouare,saidGeorge.Theminutepeoplestartcheatingonlaws,whatdoyouthinkhappenstosociety?IfHazelhadn'tbeenabletocomeupwithananswertothisquestion,Georgecouldn'thavesuppliedone.Asirenwasgoingoffinhishead.Reckonit'dfallallapart,saidHazel.Whatwould?saidGeorgeblankly.Society,saidHazeluncertainly.Wasn'tthatwhatyoujustsaid?Whoknows?saidGeorge.Thetelevisionprogramwassuddenlyinterruptedforanewsbulletin.Itwasn'tclearatfirstastowhatthebulletinwasabout,sincetheannouncer,likeallannouncers,hadaseriousspeechimpediment.Forabouthalfaminute,andinastateofhighexcitement,theannouncertriedtosay,LadiesandGentlemen.Hefinallygaveup,handedthebulletintoaballerinatoread.That'sallright-Hazelsaidoftheannouncer,hetried.That'sthebigthing.HetriedtodothebesthecouldwithwhatGodgavehim.Heshouldgetaniceraisefortryingsohard.LadiesandGentlemen,saidtheballerina,readingthebulletin.Shemusthavebeenextraordinarilybeautiful,becausethemasksheworewashideous.Anditwaseasytoseethatshewasthestrongestandmostgracefulofallthedancers,forherhandicapbagswereasbigasthosewornbytwo-hundredpoundmen.Andshehadtoapologizeatonceforhervoice,whichwasaveryunfairvoicefor