Personal-Statement修改版2.

PersonalStatementProposedProgramme:LLMat****UniversityApplicant:ZHOUXiaMydesiretostudyLawstemsfromagrowingfascinationwithWorldevents,aswellaswiththeminutiaeofourday-to-dayexistence.TheeventofSino-Americanspecialprotectionisttariffsonceagainunveilsthecrucialandindispensablestatusoflawintheglobalcontext.Acompletesetofregulationshouldbeneededtostandardizeeverycountry’sbehaviorandtocoordinatethecontradictionsamongdifferentnations.Stimulatedbytheprominentcontroversiesintheworld,Iamfirmwithmychoicetopursuejurisprudenceinthisrealm.AsHelenaKennedyQCstates'TheLawisthebedrockofanation;ittellsuswhoweare,whatwevalue,whohaspower,andwhohasn't.Almostnothinghasmoreimpactonourlives.'('JustLaw',2004)That’s,lawisnotonlytheweaponofcounterattackingcriminalsbutalsothedisseminatorofhumannature,andlawyerscanbeanimportantsourceofprotein.Iamconvincedthatstudyinginabrand-newconditionwithstrongandmatureatmosphereoflawlearningwillpavemywaytomydreamsoon.IpromisethatIwillmakegreateraccomplishmentifofferedthevaluableopportunitytostudyatyouruniversity.1）其实写ps不同创作文章，不需要刻意去强调新意，而是要注重把学生的专业素养体现出来。其实你朋友提的意见也是有道理的，可以把你的工作经验提前，之前我帮学生也有这样写的。但是要注意到文章结构这个问题，因为你的法律工作经验很丰富，我在ps里引用了三个比较突出和有代表性的，如果以事例开头，就要先把事例都写完，然后再接你的学习动机等，这样的结构我也有考虑过的，但是就会显得头重脚轻了，所以我放弃了这种结构。还是决定先以你的学习目的作为开头。2）关于你朋友提到的多写你观察到什么现象，其实我写这个中美关税问题就是为了表现你理论联系实际，在最新的国际时事里发现法律的重要性和社会地位。然后引用的名言是进一步支撑你对法律的认识。3）所以，第一段其实就是整个你学习目的表现，如果单纯空白写，可能就会空洞点，考虑到这点，我当初写的时候就想起引用事例，这样一会吸引目光，二可以体现你是个关心国家时事，注重理论联系实际的学生，外国学校比较喜欢这样的学生哦。Asregardsmyacademicstudies,Ihaveestablishedsolidgroundworkinlaw.Owningtomyexcellentabilitiesofanalysisandapprehension,Iperformedwellinmyspecialityreceivingthreesuccessivescholarships.What’smore,Iamfondofthinkingindependentlyandcritically.NeveramIconfinedtotheoriginalthoughtsorthewrittendoctrinesbuttoputforwardmyownperspectivesandunderstanding,whichisimportantinlawlearning.ItisnotexaggerativethatIhaveaddedimmensevitalityintomymajorcoursesbecauseofmyactiveandinnovativethinking.Ihavebeenwellreceivedamongmypeersandmyteachersformyoutstandingacademicperformanceandcreation,soitwillbewithyourstudentsandinstructors.Apartfrommyacademicaccomplishment,myinternshipsinCivilCourtofPeople’sCourtofShangraoCityandD&Slawfirmgiveimpetustomydeepercomprehensioninlawandtoagreatextentbroadenmyhorizon.Duringthetime,Iwellappliedmyattainedinclassintopractice.Itrymybesttobefamiliarizedwiththelawsuitprocedureandtoaccumulatevaluableexperienceinthelawaffairs.Meanwhile,Iwasprovidedwiththeopportunitytocarryoutinvestigationandobtainevidenceswiththesolicitors,bywhichIprofoundlyexperiencedthetoughandindustriouspreparationworkofacounselforthedefence.Ilearntobemeticulousandobservingineverypieceofdetail.Besides,Icometorealizetheshortcomingsinourlawsystemsothatsomepeopletakeadvantageoftheloopholestoescapeprosecution.InordertoperfectthelegislationsysteminChina,IgraduallyunderstandthatIhavetolearntheprogressivelawmodelandthoughtsofdevelopedcountries,personallyexperiencingtheforeignlegislationwhichwillbebeneficialformyfurtherachievementsintheenhancementofChinese.Forthesakeofmyblessedtalentsandcapabilities,IhavenodoubtofmyaptitudestobecompetentforyourpostgraduateprograminLaw.AnotherpreciousexperienceinlawIhopesharewithyouismyworkinginCPRDC(CenterforProtectionofRightsofDisadvantagedCitizens),offeringlawservicetothedisadvantageinoursociety.Bymeansofmyendeavor,Ihavesucceededingettingevenformyclient,attainingcompensationforhisindustrialinjurytoguaranteethelifeofhiswholefamily.Ifeelproudnotonlyofmytremendoussuccessafteramountofindustriouswork,butalsoofmyhandtothesocialweaknesstohelpthemoutoftrouble.ItismyambitiontobeacommonwealsolicitorbecauseofagreatmanyexistingsocialcontradictionsinChina.Itisdoubtlessthatgroupsofpeopleareoutoftheshelteroflawduetotheirweakawarenessoflegalprotectionaswellasimbalanceddistributionoflawresources.ThusIaspireforprogressiveequipmentasaqualifiedlawyertounveiltheillegalbehaviorssuchasdiscriminationandbreachingofdutyetc,beingthevoiceforthepublic.以上都是写关于你的法律实习例子。1）你朋友提出可以用故事的形式来描写事例，我不太赞成，其实这就关系到英国和美国ps写作风格的不同。美国的ps不同英国ps，美国ps就是可以抓住其中一个特点，然后整篇就像写故事一样展开描述；但是英国ps的要求不是这样，而是简述事例然后总结你的心得和体会，学校主要是看学生有没这方面的经验和自己有没一些想法。所以你的法律实习不需要用故事形式一个个描写哦。2）还有你朋友说到的要具体（譬如中国法律漏洞），我是刻意没有写明白的，就是这样轻轻一笔带过，说你在实习过程中，不免发现这样的人会钻法律的漏洞，所以在未来你希望可以为完善中国法律出一份力，这就是刚好点到为止。如果太多描写中国的法律漏洞是什么，一不需要，二是显得有点贬低中国法律，崇洋媚外的感觉。3）最后就是你朋友提到的你选择法律的哪个方向，希望在学校增加什么知识，因为我看到你选的基本都是LLM，只有一间是选了国际商法，所以我在ps里就没有刻意点明你要选择哪个方向，而是从大的方面入手，在你事例中都体现你要进修法律的原因和决心，而且还点明了你以后的ambition，就是从事公益律师事业，为更多无助的人提供法律援助（我觉得这个方向很好，公益律师的路不好走，很艰辛，但是你能有这样的抱负，我相信学校一定也会为之打动，所以我在你学习计划这点上，选择了你以后希望做一名出色的公益律师。4）最后，我们写ps也是控制在两页之内的，这篇ps刚好就是一页半多一点，没有超过两页。Consideredmyintelligenceandfuturecareergoal,Iamlookingforwardtoreceivingfurthereducationinitatyouruniversity.Itisofimmenseappreciationformetobeofferedthispreciousopportunity.Yoursfaithfully,ZHOUXiaNovember13,2009