Lesson 10 The Discovery of What It Means to Be an

Lesson10TheDiscoveryofWhatItMeanstoBeanAmerican1Lesson10TheDiscoveryofWhatItMeanstoBeanAmericanJamesBaldwin1“ItisacomplexfatetobeanAmerican,”HenryJamesobserved,andtheprincipaldiscoveryanAmericanwritermakesinEuropeisjusthowcomplexthisfateis.America’shistory,heraspirations,herpeculiartriumphs,herevenmorepeculiardefeats,andherpositionintheworld–yesterdayandtoday–areallsoprofoundlyandstubbornlyuniquethattheveryword“America”remainsanew,almostcompletelyundefinedandextremelycontroversialpropernoun.Nooneintheworldseemstoknowexactlywhatitdescribes,notevenwemotleymillionswhocallourselvesAmericans.2IleftAmericabecauseIdoubtedmyabilitytosurvivethefuryofthecolorproblemhere.(SometimesIstilldo.)IwantedtopreventmyselffrombecomingmerelyaNegro;oreven,merelyaNegrowriter.Iwantedtofindoutinwhatwaythespecialnessofmyexperiencecouldbemadetoconnectmewithotherpeopleinsteadofdividingmefromthem.(IwasasisolatedfromNegroesasIwasfromwhites,whichiswhathappenswhenaNegrobegins,atbottom,tobelievewhatwhitepeoplesayabouthim.)3Inmynecessitytofindthetermsonwhichmyexperiencecouldberelatedtothatofothers,Negroesandwhites,writersandnon-writers,Iproved,tomyastonishment,tobeasAmericanasanyTexasG.I.AndIfoundmyexperiencewassharedbyeveryAmericanwriterIknewinParis.Likeme,theyhadbeendivorcedfromtheirorigins,anditturnedouttomakeverylittledifferencethattheoriginsofwhiteAmericanswereEuropeanandminewereAfrican–theywerenomoreathomeinEuropethanIwas.4ThefactthatIwasthesonofaslaveandtheywerethesonsoffreemenmeantless,bythetimeweconfrontedeachotheronEuropesoil,thanthefactthatwewerebothsearchingforourseparateidentities.Whenwehadfoundthese,weseemedtobesaying,why,then,wewouldnolongerneedtoclingtotheshameandbitternesswhichhaddividedussolong.5ItbecameterriblyclearinEurope,asitneverhadbeenhere,thatweknewmoreabouteachotherthananyEuropeanevercould.Anditalsobecameclearthat,nomatterwhereourfathershadbeenborn,orwhattheyhadendured,thefactofEuropehadformedusboth,waspartofouridentityandpartofourinheritance.6IhadbeeninParisacoupleofyearsbeforeanyofthisbecamecleartome.Whenitdid,Ilikemanyawriterbeforemeuponthediscoverythathispropshaveallbeenknockedoutfromunderhim,sufferedaspeciesofbreakdownandwascarriedofftothemountainsofSwitzerland,There,inthatabsolutelyHiroshimalandscape,armedwithtwoBessieSmithrecordsandatypewriterIbegantotrytorecreatethelifethatIhadfirstknownasachildandfromwhichIhadspentsomanyyearsinflight.Lesson10TheDiscoveryofWhatItMeanstoBeanAmerican27ItwasBessieSmith,throughhertoneandhercadence,whohelpedmetodigbacktothewayImyselfmusthavespokenwhenIwasapickaninny,andtorememberthethingsIhadneverlistenedtoBessieSmithinAmerica(inthesamewaythat,foryears,Iwouldnottouchwatermelon),butinEuropeshehelpedtoreconcilemetobeinga“nigger”.8IdonotthinkthatIcouldhavemadethisreconciliationhere.OnceIwasabletoacceptmyrole–asdistinguished,Imustsay,frommy“place”—intheextraordinarydramawhichisAmerica,IwasreleasedfromtheillusionthatIhatedAmerica.9ThestoryofwhatcanhappentoanAmericanNegrowriterinEuropesimplyillustrates,insomerelief,whatcanhappentoanyAmericanwriterthere.Itisnotmeant,ofcourse,toimplythatithappenstothemall,forEuropecanbeverycripplingtoo;and,anyway,awriter,whenhehasmadehisfirstbreakthrough,hassimplywonacrucialskirmishinadangerous,unendingandunpredictablebattlestill,thebreakthroughisimportant,andthepointisthatanAmericanwriter,inordertoachieveit,veryoftenhastoleavethiscountry.10TheAmericanwriter,inEurope,isreleased,firstofall,fromthenecessityofapologizingforhimself.Itisnotuntilheisreleasedfromthehabitofflexinghismusclesandprovingthatheisjusta“regularguy”thatherealizeshowcripplingthishabithasbeen.Itisnotnecessaryforhim,there,topretendtobesomethingheisnot,fortheartistdoesnotencounterinEuropethesamesuspicionheencountershere.WhatevertheEuropeansmayactuallythinkofartists,theyhavekilledenoughofthemoffbynowtoknowthattheyareasreal–andaspersistent–asrain,snow,taxesorbusinessmen.11Ofcourse,thereasonforEurope’scomparativeclarityconcerningthedifferentfunctionsofmeninsocietyisthatEuropeansocietyhasalwaysbeendividedintoclassesinawaythatAmericansocietyneverhasbeen.AEuropeanwriterconsidershimselftobepartofanoldandhonorabletradition–ofintellectualactivity,ofletters–andhischoiceofavocationdoesnotcausehimanyuneasywonderastowhetherornotitwillcosthimallhisfriends.ButthistraditiondoesnotexistinAmerica.12Onthecontrary,wehaveaverydeep-seateddistrustofrealintellectualeffort(probablybecausewesuspectthatitwilldestroy,asIhopeitdoes,thatmythofAmericatowhichweclingsodesperately).AnAmericanwriterfightshiswaytooneofthelowestrungsontheAmericansocialladderbymeansofpurebull-headednessandanindescribableseriesofoddjobs.Heprobablyhasbeena“regularfellow”formuchofhisadultlife,anditisnoteasyforhimtostepoutofthatlukewarmbath.13Wemust,however,consideraratherseriousparadox;thoughAmericansocietyismoremobilethanLesson10TheDiscoveryofWhatItMeanstoBeanAmerican3Europe’s,itiseasiertocutacrosssocialandoccupationallinestherethanitishere.Thishassomethingtodo,Ithink,withtheproblemofstatusinAmericanlife.Whereeveryonehasstatus,itisalsoperfectlypo