Ted-演讲稿-脆弱的力量

BreneBrown：ThepowerofvulnerabilitySo,I'llstartwiththis:acoupleyearsago,aneventplannercalledmebecauseIwasgoingtodoaspeakingevent.Andshecalled,andshesaid,I'mreallystrugglingwithhowtowriteaboutyouonthelittleflier.AndIthought,Well,what'sthestruggle?Andshesaid,Well,Isawyouspeak,andI'mgoingtocallyouaresearcher,Ithink,butI'mafraidifIcallyouaresearcher,noonewillcome,becausethey'llthinkyou'reboringandirrelevant.(Laughter)AndIwaslike,Okay.Andshesaid,ButthethingIlikedaboutyourtalkisyou'reastoryteller.SoIthinkwhatI'lldoisjustcallyouastoryteller.Andofcourse,theacademic,insecurepartofmewaslike,You'regoingtocallmeawhat?Andshesaid,I'mgoingtocallyouastoryteller.AndIwaslike,Whynotmagicpixie?(Laughter)Iwaslike,Letmethinkaboutthisforasecond.Itriedtocalldeeponmycourage.AndIthought,youknow,Iamastoryteller.I'maqualitativeresearcher.Icollectstories;that'swhatIdo.Andmaybestoriesarejustdatawithasoul.AndmaybeI'mjustastoryteller.AndsoIsaid,Youknowwhat?Whydon'tyoujustsayI'maresearcher-storyteller.Andshewent,Haha.There'snosuchthing.(Laughter)SoI'maresearcher-storyteller,andI'mgoingtotalktoyoutoday--we'retalkingaboutexpandingperception--andsoIwanttotalktoyouandtellsomestoriesaboutapieceofmyresearchthatfundamentallyexpandedmyperceptionandreallyactuallychangedthewaythatIliveandloveandworkandparent.Andthisiswheremystorystarts.WhenIwasayoungresearcher,doctoralstudent,myfirstyearIhadaresearchprofessorwhosaidtous,Here'sthething,ifyoucannotmeasureit,itdoesnotexist.AndIthoughthewasjustsweet-talkingme.Iwaslike,Really?andhewaslike,Absolutely.AndsoyouhavetounderstandthatIhaveabachelor'sinsocialwork,amaster'sinsocialwork,andIwasgettingmyPh.D.insocialwork,somyentireacademiccareerwassurroundedbypeoplewhokindofbelievedinthelife'smessy,loveit.AndI'mmoreofthe,life'smessy,cleanitup,organizeitandputitintoabentobox.(Laughter)AndsotothinkthatIhadfoundmyway,tofoundacareerthattakesme--really,oneofthebigsayingsinsocialworkis,Leanintothediscomfortofthework.AndI'mlike,knockdiscomfortupsidetheheadandmoveitoverandgetallA's.Thatwasmymantra.SoIwasveryexcitedaboutthis.AndsoIthought,youknowwhat,thisisthecareerforme,becauseIaminterestedinsomemessytopics.ButIwanttobeabletomakethemnotmessy.Iwanttounderstandthem.IwanttohackintothesethingsIknowareimportantandlaythecodeoutforeveryonetosee.SowhereIstartedwaswithconnection.Because,bythetimeyou'reasocialworkerfor10years,whatyourealizeisthatconnectioniswhywe'rehere.It'swhatgivespurposeandmeaningtoourlives.Thisiswhatit'sallabout.Itdoesn'tmatterwhetheryoutalktopeoplewhoworkinsocialjusticeandmentalhealthandabuseandneglect,whatweknowisthatconnection,theabilitytofeelconnected,is--neurobiologicallythat'showwe'rewired--it'swhywe'rehere.SoIthought,youknowwhat,I'mgoingtostartwithconnection.Well,youknowthatsituationwhereyougetanevaluationfromyourboss,andshetellsyou37thingsyoudoreallyawesome,andonething--anopportunityforgrowth?(Laughter)Andallyoucanthinkaboutisthatopportunityforgrowth,right?Well,apparentlythisisthewaymyworkwentaswell,because,whenyouaskpeopleaboutlove,theytellyouaboutheartbreak.Whenyouaskpeopleaboutbelonging,they'lltellyoutheirmostexcruciatingexperiencesofbeingexcluded.Andwhenyouaskpeopleaboutconnection,thestoriestheytoldmewereaboutdisconnection.Soveryquickly--reallyaboutsixweeksintothisresearch--IranintothisunnamedthingthatabsolutelyunraveledconnectioninawaythatIdidn'tunderstandorhadneverseen.AndsoIpulledbackoutoftheresearchandthought,Ineedtofigureoutwhatthisis.Anditturnedouttobeshame.Andshameisreallyeasilyunderstoodasthefearofdisconnection:Istheresomethingaboutmethat,ifotherpeopleknowitorseeit,thatIwon'tbeworthyofconnection?ThethingsIcantellyouaboutit:it'suniversal;weallhaveit.Theonlypeoplewhodon'texperienceshamehavenocapacityforhumanempathyorconnection.Noonewantstotalkaboutit,andthelessyoutalkaboutitthemoreyouhaveit.Whatunderpinnedthisshame,thisI'mnotgoodenough,--whichweallknowthatfeeling:I'mnotblankenough.I'mnotthinenough,richenough,beautifulenough,smartenough,promotedenough.Thethingthatunderpinnedthiswasexcruciatingvulnerability,thisideaof,inorderforconnectiontohappen,wehavetoallowourselvestobeseen,reallyseen.AndyouknowhowIfeelaboutvulnerability.Ihatevulnerability.AndsoIthought,thisismychancetobeatitbackwithmymeasuringstick.I'mgoingin,I'mgoingtofigurethisstuffout,I'mgoingtospendayear,I'mgoingtototallydeconstructshame,I'mgoingtounderstandhowvulnerabilityworks,andI'mgoingtooutsmartit.SoIwasready,andIwasreallyexcited.Asyouknow,it'snotgoingtoturnoutwell.(Laughter)Youknowthis.So,Icouldtellyoualotaboutshame,butI'dhavetoborroweveryoneelse'stime.Buthere'swhatIcantellyouthatitboilsdownto--andthismaybeoneofthemostimportantthingsthatI'veeverlearnedinthedecadeofdoingthisresearch.Myoneyearturnedintosixyears:thousandsofstories,hundredsoflonginterviews,focusgroups.Atonepoint,peopleweresendingmejournalpagesandsendingmetheirstories--thousandsofpiecesofdatainsixyears.AndIkindofgotahandleonit.Ikindofunderstood,thisiswhatshameis,thisishowitworks.Iwroteabook,Ipublishedatheory,butsomethingwasnotokay--andwhatitwasisthat,ifIroughlytookthepeop