Chapter 07-The Path of least resistance

(Chapter7)(CompensatingStrategies)Aswehavediscussed,structuralconflictsleadtooscillationandnottofinaldesiredresults.Consequently,peoplehaveatendencytodevelopcompensatingstrategiestodealwiththeinadequaciesofthestructure.Howdothesecompensatingstrategiesdevelop?Usuallygradually.Yourowncompensatingstrategiesdevelopsosubtlythattheyareprobablynotobvioustoyou.Ifyourcar’sfrontwheelswereoutofbalanceandpulledslightlytotheleft,youmightdevelopacompensatingstrategyofsteeringtotherightwhenyouwantedtomovestraightahead.Ifthecar’stendencytopulltotheleftdevelopedgradually,yourcompensatingactionwouldalsodevelopgradually.Youmightnotevenrealizethatyouweresteeringtotherighttocompensateforthecar’sstructure.Onceyouhadthewheelsbalancedandaligned,however,yourcompensatingstrategyofsteeringtotherightwouldnolongerbeuseful.Youwouldnolongerneedtotakecompensatingaction,becausethestructurehadchanged.Ashiftinthestructureleadstochangesinyourbehavior.Inasimilarway,whenyoumovefromastructurethatoscillatestoonethatresolves,youmayautomaticallychangesomeofyourbehavior.Ifyoutrytochangeyourbehaviorwithoutfirstchangingtheunderlyingstructurecausingthatbehavior,youwillnotsucceed.Thisisbecausedeterminesbehavior,nottheotherwayaround.Imaginethatafriendofyourswasridingwithyouinthecaronedayandnoticedthatyoutendedtoturnthesteeringwheeltotheright.Ifyourfriendknewnothingaboutwheelalignment,hemightpointtoyourbehaviorandsuggestachange“Don’tsteertotheright,steerstraightahead.”Ifyoutookhisadvice,youmightchangeyouractionstemporarily,butinashorttime-inordertostayontheroad-youwouldreturntosteeringtotheright.Muchoftheadvicepeoplegiveeachotherwillnotwork,becauseitisdesignedtochangecompensatingstrategieswithoutanynotionoftheunderlyingstructuresthatarecausingthem.Ourhumantendencyistoproposetheoriesofwhypeopletaketheactionstheytake.Let’sinventanalmostplausible-soundingexplanationforyouractionofsteeringtotheright:“Yousteertotherightbecauseofyouroverlydevelopedleft-brainfunctioning.Youaretoomentalandhavenotdevelopedyourintuitiveside.Whatyoushoulddoisfocusonyourreceptivenaturethroughmeditationandchangeofdiet.Yourdietshouldhavemanymoregrainsandvegetables.Thiswillbalanceoutyourhighproteinintakeandhelpyoubecomemoreyin.”Therearethreemajorstrategiesdesignedtocompensateforthefundamentalunresolvabilityofstructuralconflict.Theyare:stayingwithinanareaoftolerableconflict,conflictmanipulation,andwillpowermanipulation.Ifyouareinastructuralconflict,youmaytemporarilyreachyourdesire,butitwillbecomeharderandhardertoholdontoit.Thegreatloveaffairturnsintoapainfulrelationship,thefantasticjobopportunityturnsintoadisappointment,thecorporatetriumphturnsintodisaster.Becausethepathofleastresistancemovestowardandthenawayfromyourdesiredresults,youmaydeveloponeormoreofthesethreestrategiestodealwithfuturedesires.Alloftheminhibittruecreating.Allofthemreinforcetheexistingstructuralconflictandleadtooscillation.Butallofthemareprevalentthroughoutoursocietyandthroughoutourlife.AreaofTolerableConflictAcommonstrategyistoattempttominimizetheamplitudeoftheoscillationproducedbystructuralconflict.Thestructureinstructuralconflicthasagoal.Thisisnotthegoalofdefeatingyou,assomemightguess.Thisisnotthegoalofforcingyoutosufferhardshiptrialsofyoursincerity,asothersmightguess.Infact,thegoalofthestructurehasnothingtodowithyou.Thisgoalispurelyonethatarisesoutofthemakeupofthestructureitself.Thegoalisequilibrium.Usingouranalogyofrubberbandsandwallsfromthepreviouschapter,thegoalofthestructureistohavebothrubberbandscontainthesameamountoftension.Oscillationoccursbecausethereisadifferenceintheamountoftensionineachpartofthestructure.Thereisapointbetweenbothrubberbandsatwhichbothtension-resolutionsystemsareexactlyequal.Butitisimpossibletomaintainthisequalityoftension,becauseofthenaturalshiftsinthetension-resolutionsystems.Sometimesyourdesirecausesdifferencesinthesystem,sometimesyourbeliefthatyoucannothavewhatyouwantcausesdifferencesinthesystem.Themoredifferenceinonetension-resolutionsystemovertheother,thewidertheoscillation.Ifyoucouldlimittheoscillation,itwouldnotbeaspronouncedoruncomfortable.Oscillationofstructurecreatesoscillationofemotionalexperiences.Withwideoscillationyoucanexperienceanemotionalrollercoaster.Manypeopledonotlikebeingonanemotionalseesaw,sotheyadoptastrategyofminimizingtheoscillation.Thisisdonebyremainingwithinanareainwhichtheycaneasilytoleratethefeelingsgeneratedbythesystem.Withinthisareaoftolerableconflict,thepatternofoscillationcontinuestooccur,butwithdecreasedamplitude.Allofusknowpeoplewhoseemtocontinually“keepthelidon.”Otherstryto“maintainanevenlevel.”Anentiregenerationinthefiftiesgrewupwiththemessage,“Don’trocktheboat.”Apersoninthisstrategyavoidschange.Whenconfrontedwithachallenge,suchapersonattemptstominimizechangebymovingawayfromanypotentialexperienceofconflict.Whatdeterminesthepointatwhichashiftindirectionwilltakeplace?Fordifferentpeopletherearedifferentpoints,becausedifferentpeoplehavedifferentdegreesoftolerancefordiscomfort.Thepointatwhichyoushiftdirectionmarkstheouterlimitofyourareaoftoleranceofconflic