a concise course of translation 6 增删重组

Lesson6增删重组ContentsDefinition1Examples2Discussion3In-classexercises4Definition“reframing”meansthenecessaryoreveninevitablechangeofwordorderorsentence/paragraphstructureandthesupplyingordeletingofcertainwordsinadiscourseaccordingtotheusageofthelanguagetobetranslatedinto.Introduction:例：一个外国人，不懂中文，走遍了大半个中国，挺不容易的。Itisreallynoteasyfortheforeigner,whodoesnotknowChinese,tohavetraveledmuchofChina.(句子重心的调整)Examples：1.我们要建立门类齐全、结构合理、能够满足社会消费和国民经济发展需要的先进的工业。Weshallestablishanadvancedindustrialsystemwhichiscompleteinrangesandrationalinstructureandwhichmeetstheneedsofconsumersandtheexpansionofthenationaleconomy.（英语：定语可置于中心词之前或之后）2.或者所能够看见的脸都是谄媚的，乞求的，快乐的时候不敢笑，不快乐的时候不敢不笑，悲戚的时候不敢哭，不悲戚的时候不敢不哭的脸。（聂绀弩《我若为王》）TheonlyfacesIcouldseewouldbeingratiatingorsupplicating—facesthatdarednotsmiletoexpressjoy;facesthatdarednotrefrainfromaforcedsmilewhentherewasnojoyatalltojustifyasmile;facesthatdarednotcrytoexpresssorrow;facesthatdarednotrefrainfromafeignedcrywhentherewasnosorrowtojustifyacry.(张培基译)3.中国的教育思想，把教育只看成“传道授业”，在中国历史上，这种教育观是根深蒂固的。译文一：Thereisanideologyofeducation,withdeeprootsintheChinesehistory,thatsaysthateducationissupposedtoonlytransmitphilosophicaldoctrinesandbookknowledgetothepupils.（译文一重心在于解释教育观）译文二：ThereisanideologyofeducationinChinathatsaysthateducationissupposedtoonlytransmitphilosophicaldoctrinesandbookknowledgetothepupils.Thisideologywasdeep-rootedinChinesehistory.（译文二侧重两个方面，更便于与下文衔接）4.重组在篇章层次。如JohnMinford英译的《鹿鼎记》（TheDeerandtheCauldron）的第一段：北风如刀，满地冰霜。江南近海滨的一条大路上，一队清兵手执刀枪，押着七辆囚车，冲风冒寒，向北而行。AlongacoastalroadsomewheresouthoftheYangtzeRiver,adetachmentofsoldiers,eachofthemarmedwithahalberd,wasescortingalineofsevenprisoncarts,trudgingnorthwardsintheteethofabitterwind.（原文首句的环境描写简约成了一句话）（参见庄绎传“《鹿鼎记》英译本学习札记”，2005年,大家可上网搜索。至于小说的原文和英译本大家可以在上找到）5.某茶叶广告本品采用鄂州梁子湖鲜嫩芽茶叶精制而成,色绿香高,味醇形美,能明目清肝,养颜健体,减肥益气,生津化痰,是老少皆宜可四季常服的最佳饮料。“明目清肝”译为“improvingeyesightandremovingheatfromtheliver”,“生津化痰”译为“promotingtheproductionofbodyfluidandresolvingphlegm”,“养颜健体”译为“nourishingthefaceandstrengtheningthebody”,“减肥益气”译为“reducingweightandbenefitingqi”,“老少皆宜”译为“goodforallagesandbothsexes”(如果这样翻译，译文对国外读者而言是难以接受、言过其实的,因为这则广告不是药品广告而是饮料广告,广告中并未引用权威医学部门的调查、证明其医学效用。)运用增删重组法,另起炉灶。TheLiangzihuLakeGreenTeaissourcedfromthefinestleavesandproducedinthestrictestprocedures.Itcomesalivewithemeraldgreencolor,enchantingaromaandsoothingroundedtaste.Severalcupsadaywillkeepyourefreshedandenergeticfromallday’swork,andsaveyoumanyoftheconsultswiththedoctor。(这种译法形式上看与原广告词差异较大,但其内容是一致的,且更能让外国人相信和接受。)6.西苑饭店的广告西苑饭店是一座具有国际四星级水准的大型涉外饭店，位于北京三里河路，与进出口谈判大楼、北京图书馆、首都体育馆等毗邻，环境优美，交通便利。饭店共有客房1300余套，房间舒适、宁静，配有全套现代化设施。饭店共设餐厅、酒吧12个，中餐经营粤、鲁、川、淮扬及穆斯林风味菜肴；西餐主要经营俄式、法式及英式大菜。饭店还设有传真、电传、国际直拔电话等现代通讯设施及各种综合服务设施和娱乐设施，为每位宾客提供尽善尽美的服务。西苑饭店欢迎您的光临。翻译思路—运用平行文本加仿写的方法从这则广告的行文和措辞来看，全篇皆以局外人即第三人称的视角对酒店情况进行客观描述，鲜有情感的渗入。但在译文中也用这样的表达方式是否能吸引西方顾客呢？这时我们便可比较类似的英文酒店广告来确定译文的行文和措辞，如下面一则英国酒店的广告：TheHydeParkHotelWeareabrandnewhotelinLondon’sfamousWestEndwhereluxuryisoftheessence.Allourstudioroomshavebeendesignedtothehigheststandardswithbeautifulmodemensuitebathrooms.Eachroomcomesequippedwithaminikitchenincludingarefrigerator,aswellasflatscreenTVsandhigh-speedinternetaccess.WearesituatedinaquietVictoriansquareinthefashionableWestbourneGroveareaofLondon,closetotheNottingHillarea.Whetherforholidayorbusiness,weofferlong-termandshort-termstaysintheheartofLondonwhereyouandyourrepresentativescanbeindependentandfeelsafe.Yourstaywillbeamemorableoneandyouwillnothesitateincomingbackformore.YoucanstrollacrossnearbyHydePark,orgoshoppinginever-trendyKnightsbridgeandNottingHill.Thereareavarietyofplacestovisitandeatinthearea,justcheckouramenitiessectionformoredetails.WearelocatedclosetothePaddingtonBasindevelopment.So,whetheryouarestayingforonedayorsixmonths,forbusinessorforpleasure,theHydeParkHotelisaverypracticalandidealbase.仿译文（划线部分为添加的部分）XiyuanHotelWeareafour-starhotelinBeijing,witheasytransportation,quietandelegantenvironmentaswellasfirst-classservice.WearesituatedatSanliheRoadandclosetotheNegotiationBuilding,theBeijingLibraryandtheCapitalGymnasium.Whetherforholidayorbusinesspurposes,weofferlong-termandshort-termstaysintheheartofBeijingwhereyouandyourrepresentativescanbeindependentandfeelsafe.Allofour1,300roomsarewell-equipped,andyoucanenjoytheopulentcomfortofthemodernfacilitiesandcourtesyservice.Youcanalsoenjoythevarietyofdelicacies.Our12restaurantsandbarswillofferyoubothChinesefoodincludingCantonese,Shandong,Sichuan,HuaiyangandMoslemcuisine,andwesternfoodfeaturingRussian,FrenchandBritishdishes.Wealsoofferup-to-datecommunicationfacilities,therecreationalapplianceandothercomprehensiveservices.Yourstaywillbeamemorableoneandyouwillnothesitateincomingbackformore.XiyuanHotel:averypracticalandidealbaseforyou!discussion近读报纸，对国内名片和请柬的议论颇多，于是想起客居巴黎时经常见到的法国人手中的名片和请柬，随笔记下来，似乎不无借鉴之处。在巴黎，名目繁多的酒会、冷餐会是广交朋友的好机会。在这种场合陌生人相识，如果是亚洲人，他们往往开口之前先毕恭毕敬地用双手把自己的名片呈递给对方，这好像是不可缺少的礼节。然而，法国人一般却都不大主动递送名片，双方见面寒暄几句，甚至海阔天空地聊一番也就各自走开，只有当双方谈话投机，希望继续交往时，才会主动掏出名片。二话不说先递名片反倒显得有些勉强。…双方见面寒暄几句，甚至海阔天空地聊一番也就各自走开，只有当双方谈话投机，希望继