读后续写--管健伟

读后续写浙江省黄岩中学管健伟经典续写案例红楼梦曹雪芹高鹗争论点：契合度高低文学家：情节发展是否和原八十回一致语言学家：用词用句是否和原八十回一致融洽度原叙事文本续写高效度结尾读猜两个要弄明白的问题：原文有什么用？续写要写什么？原文理解续写文模仿素材素材情节基调核心矛盾故事框架语言设定潜伏信息样题情节和语言特点分析(1)情节基调的铺设：“向心性”(2)核心矛盾的预设：“发散性”(3)故事框架的搭建：“顺延性”(4)隐含语言的定位：“一致性”情节基调“AfunnythinghappenedtoArthurwhenhewasonthewaytoworkoneday”。funny:“趣”Afunnythingcauseamusement,laughter,etc.(有趣的，可笑的)向心性MoneyorOtherthings核心矛盾“情节核”theyoungmanoranothermanThiefNotthief矛盾身份矛盾中心关键人物发散性箱子里所属人Youngman身份可能情节发展1Moneytheyoungmanthief碰巧抓住抢劫犯（即结尾1）2notthief碰巧把刚从银行取钱赶路的人当劫犯，最后到警局传来抓到劫犯消息3anothermanthief碰巧碰到一个刚偷了其他人钱的小偷，最后到警局传来抓到劫犯并找回银行失钱的消息，最后在Arthur帮助下抓到另一个小偷4notthief路遇一个路人帮人搬运装满钱的行李箱，而Arthur错把路人当劫犯，最后澄清消除误会5Otherthingstheyoungmanthief错把普通小偷当劫犯，最后帮助抓到该小偷6notthief错把路人当劫犯（即结尾2）7anothermanthief碰巧碰到一个刚偷了其他人东西的小偷，最后到警局传来抓到劫犯并找回银行失钱的消息，最后在Arthur帮助下抓到另一个小偷8notthief路遇一个路人帮人搬运普通行李箱，而Arthur错把路人当劫犯，最后澄清消除误会故事发展时间：onArthur’swayhome地点：alongtheParkAvenueneartheFirstnationalBank背景：alongloudnoiseofanalarmfromthebankayoungmanArthurRunafterStop,stop!…?TothePS顺延性故事框架Paragraph1:Ashewasrunning,Arthurheardtheyoungmanshoutingbehind,“Stop,stop!”_______________________________________________Paragraph2:ThetaxistoppedinfrontofthePoliceStationandArthur..._______________________________________________顺延故事发展创意故事结尾顺延逆转语言定位记叙类故事文文体叙事文本叙事人称叙事时态叙事方式第一、二、三人称旁白/对白口语/书面语选词用词句式选择一致性…语言定位记叙类故事文叙事人称：比如，he,she,it,Afunnything,theyoungman,ParkAvenue,Arthur等叙事时态：用过去式或者与过去式相关的时态（直接引语除外）比如wasontheway,walked,wassurprised,startedtorun等叙事方式：Notroubleatall,whathappenedGotothepolicestation,Stopstop,Helphelp。“第三人”的身份讲述（第三人称作为主语）（直接引语除外）转述过去某个时刻所发生的事旁白+对白（间接引语+直接引语）[主次分明]语言定位记叙类故事文叙事文本定位：一组数据：结尾1（153）advorprep(behind,suddenly,until,obviously,already,later),verb(might,realize,continue,jump,racelikethewind,learn,open,expected,describe,caught),nounornounphrase(alargesumofmoney,information)结尾2（158）behind,directlyoutsidebehave,realize,drive,follow,describe,voice,innocent,embarrassed,faster语言平实易懂的小故事小词、常用词以及常见短语12个新词(组)18个新词(组)funnyamusing，intriguing，divertingVS.语言定位记叙类故事文句式选用：行为动作：“主语+谓语动词+宾语”材料Everyonehadadifferentanswer结尾Thepolicecaughttherobber事物状态：“主语+系动词+表语”材料Arthurwassurprised,ParkAvenuehadbeenquietamomentbefore结尾Themanshoutingbehindisthebankthief,Themanwasinnocent“清楚明晰地讲故事”强调故事人物的行为和思想变化语言定位记叙类故事文句式选用：一组数据：材料：12个含and的并列句式，结尾1(153字):6个并列句式；结尾2(158字):7个并列句式主从复合句(以时间状语从句为主)材料：whenhewasonthewayto…,Ashewalkedalong…,Afterplacingitonthe…,JustasArthurpickedup…结尾：Ashewasrunning…,Themomenthegoto…,JustasArthurwasdescribing…时间提示词如atthemoment,then,later等。主从复合句少，并列复合句多故事一环承接一环的时间发展和动作的延续读后续写策略情节基调核心矛盾框架完整顺延逆转语言文体遣词用句情节走向合情合理的创意不着痕迹情节内容框架结构语篇段落1、挖掘情节基调，廓清核心矛盾，创造合情合理的创意故事外延。2、理清叙事角度，把握顺延逆转，构建张弛有度的完整情节框架。3、定位语言文体，模仿遣词用句，续写不着痕迹的语用叙事文本。读后续写策略“读后续写”与阅读课的契合单元课文内容M1U3TravelJournal–JourneydowntheMekongM2U4WildlifeProtection–HowDaisyLearnedtoHelpWildlifeM3U2HealthyEating–ComeandEatHereM3U5Canada“TheTrueNorth”–ATriponthe“TrueNorth”M4U4BodyLanguage–Communication,NoProblem?M5U3LifeintheFuture–FirstImpressionsM5U4MakingtheNews–MyFirstWorkAssignment“Unforgettable”,SaysNewJournalistM7U2Robot–SatisfactionGuaranteed虚拟故事“读后续写”与阅读课的契合1.M3U2Comeandeathere2.M7U2SatisfactionGuaranteed思维+语言虚构+趣味“读后续写”与阅读课的契合ComeandeathereWP+hisemptyrestaurantVisittoYH’s+gottheproblemDoresearchNewsignanddiscountCompetitionwasonWhatifwithnoresearchornofindings?WhatifWPjustcopyYH’sidea?一个可能需要增加的阅读环节信息梳理FriendlycooperationHostilecompetitionPeacefulcoexistence+思辨发散alarmed,disturbing,trust“读后续写”与阅读课的契合SatisfactionGuaranteed信息整理+思辨发散ClaireTonyGladysaccompanied,protected,helpenvyAsenseoffailureCurtainsopened+ApartyAsweetvictoryAsenseoflossWhatif…?CurtainsclosedStillvictory?Loss?Tony’sReport?两篇文本（节选）WangPengsatinhisemptyrestaurantfeelingveryfrustrated.Ithadbeenaverystrangemorning.Usuallyhegotupearlyandpreparedhismenuofbarbecuedmuttonkebabs,roastpork,stir-fliedvegetablesandfriedrice.Thenbylunchtimetheywouldallbesold.Bynowhisrestaurantoughttobefullofpeople.Butnottoday!Whywasthat?Whatcouldhavehappened?Clairedidn’twanttherobotinherhouse,especiallyasherhusbandwouldbeabsentforthreeweeks,butLarrypersuadeherorallowhertobeharmed.Itwouldbeabonus.However,whenshefirstsawtherobot,shefeltalarmed.HisnamewasTonyandheseemedmorelikeahumanthanamachine.Hewastallandhandsomewithsmoothhairandadeepvoicealthoughhisfacialexpressionneverchanged.两个语篇的文本比较：SatisfactionGuaranteedComeandeathere旁白+对白（旁白为主）书面语+口语简单句式，小词常规词行为变化全旁白的形式全书面语形式复合句式，较高级词汇情绪（心理）表达叙事人称：第三人称；叙事时态：过去式叙事顺序：以时间发展结尾方式：出人意料SatisfactionGuaranteedComeandeathereAweeklater,WangPeng’srestaurantwasagainquitefullandhefelthappier.HesmiledashewelcomethecustomerswarmlyatthedoorbutthesmilelefthisfacewhenhesawYongHuiwalkingin.Shedidn’tlookhappybutglareathim.“MayIaskwhatyouweredoinginmyrestauranttheotherday?IthoughtyouwerejustanewcustomerandnowIknowthatyouonlycametospyonmeandmymenu.”sheshouted.Thenightofthepartyarrive.Theclockstruckeight.TheguestswouldbearrivingsoonandClairetoldTonytogointoanotherroom.Atthatmoment,Tonyfoldedhisarmsaroundher,bendinghisfaceclosetoherandinspiringherwithconfidence.Thenthefrontdoorbellrang.Tonyfreedheranddisappearedfromsight.Unti